The Spoonykipper Story

2011 coming to an end.

2011-12-05T02:34:00.001-08:00

Another month almost gone, and 2011 almost over. Not much has really happened in the last month, but I'll list some things that have happened in the world of Spoony.

My course is still going well (so far, touch wood, etc) and I'm about half way done now to being a hypnotherapist.

Susan's surprise birthday party is no longer a surprise! A year I've been planning things and someone let it slip! Never mind...In less then a month now I'll be over in America again.

Work is still going good (touch wood, etc again). I'm off to my works Christmas party in London this Friday! Woo! Free drink, free ride there and back...I have a feeling that this is going to be a messy party, heh.

My side project/thing I was helping with is now live!

http://gamingmentor.com/news/

http://www.youtube.com/user/GamingMentor#p/u/15/PSuGrOLuZX8

I've only got one video up so far, but I have an Assassins Creed video ready (well, almost), it just needs editing and uploading.

That's about it!

Have a happy Christmas to anyone that it applies to, happy holidays, happy Yule etc.

Monthly update!

2011-11-06T07:15:00.000-08:00

I had a great time at the London MCM Expo last weekend! I was there for the whole weekend with a bunch of great people. I was a little worried that a whole weekend there would get boring, I mean I'd only been there for the day before and I didn't think walking around the same place for three days would be all that fun....Boy was I wrong!

We're all planning to come back again in May for the weekend and are already thinking about what we'll cosplay. I was thinking of going as Leon from Resident Evil 2, as everyone seems to do him from Resident Evil 4. This choice also gave me a reason to buy the BB shotgun I saw in the expo hall! I really wanted it, but had no real reason to get it besides impulsing buying urges...Now I can use it with my Leon cosplay! Because you always need a shotgun when dealing with zombies.

This weekend I was back in London again to see Distant Worlds. This was the Royal Philharmonuc Orchestra playing music from the Final Fantasy games. This was the first time it was in the UK and because it sold out so fast they'll be comeing back next year. Also next year is the 25th anniversary of Final Fantasy so they're planning something great for it. So I'll be going back for it next year. The only thing that kind of sucked about Distant Worlds was that I forgot my camera...An my phone battery started to run out after a few videos.

Also a taste of it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyobBm9RCok&fb_source=message

Besides that my work and course are going well! I'm also have plans in the works to go back to America next year. Well two trips back, I also want to see Jackie and Ricky at some point next year. Maybe even a trip to Japan later that year...Not sure yet, but would love to go over there at least once.

Another month gone.

2011-10-04T08:57:00.000-07:00

Another month has gone! Time for an update on all things Spoony.

The rave didn't happen as Deny was "Broke as a joke". I was looking forward to it as I wanted to get some glow sticks!

The induction for volunteering went well and I have some forms to fill in to finish that off.

The date..Kinda did/didn't happen. I list it as both because it lasted all of about 5 minutes. I wasn't really feeling the date anyway, but I thought I'd go and see what might happen. Anyways, I met her outside the tube station in London and I was normal jokey self, but she didn't really respond well (bad sign). She then asked me what I wanted to do and where, I'd already told her I didn't know London...So I was like I'm not sure because I have no idea what's about. She said about a drink so I said that's fine and we walked down the road. I, who had never been to this part of London was looking around for landmarks etc incase the worse should happen and I could find my way back. While we walked she kind of walked off in front, not really caring if I was with her or not and then stopped. I caught up to her as she turned round and said "This isn't going to work, you've not said anything this whole time with been walking", I said "Well I've never been here before so I was checking the area out, but fair enough" and I turned around and walked back to the tube station. I might has set a world record on first dates.

Besides that I've had a great month! My course is going well and I passed my second essay and while I was in class something odd hapened...I saw an aura. At first I didn't kno what the hell it was, but then I worked it out. I' also now permanent at work! No longer a temp which means more money and I know have a staff discount for ASOS, we have also moved in to a great new building for work. The building makes you feel under dressed, like you should be wearing a suit to work....

All in all things are going well for the Spoony ^^

Almost 2 years old.

2011-09-03T00:27:00.001-07:00

I started this blog almost two years ago. It seems a long time ago, back when my heart was hurt so bad that I ddidn't know if the pain would ever go away.

But now I'm my happy old self! I have a job, I have goals/plans and everything seems to be going ok...Touch wood (no that isn't anything dirty).

At the moment it's all just a waiting game. I have to wait to pay my Dad back the money I owe him, then wait to have the money to something else, then wait again to get the money to do another thing. At least at some point I will have my own car and place to live.

As for my side/secret job, I have the first "thing" done! I now have to hand it over to the guys in the office to..Do things with it. It will all become clear soon.

I seem to be re-saying the same thing as before, waiting for stuff, feeling like old self etc. Since I am waiting to do stuff with my life, there isn't much to say.

Well apart from three things:

1. Went out Thursday last week and might be going to a rave! Get me some glow sticks.

2. I had my first induction for volunteering on Thursday and have two more to go.

3. I might have a date next week. I wasn't sure how I felt about it but then Susan said:

If you a fun night out, that's good. If you come away with a new friend, that's great. If you come away with something more, that's awesome. So, basically, just go out and have fun! Who knows what will happen.

Well have a nice weekened people! See you at some point.

I'm a Night Guy

2011-08-20T00:07:00.000-07:00

Well I've been working at ASOS for three weeks now and I have to say nights rock!

I work four days of the week, I get four days off and I get paid more then the people on days! (An they work 5 and get 2 days off). It's very chilled out, you can wear anything you want and you have music playing (sometimes I put my iPod on as it can crap radio station). I also seem to get paid more then what I did woking at Dixons!

Also, I've hypnotized two of the other staff (they wanted to try it). Which means I can get my pratice time up for my course! YAY!

My secret job is starting soon...A little something on the side that I had to sign a non disclosure agreement for. I brought the bits for it this week and should be up and running doing "it" soon.

Welll that's it! I'm going to chill out before bed. It might only be 8:20am, but this is now night time for me.

The First Cut is the Deepest

2011-08-01T12:21:00.000-07:00

So, it was around this time 2 years ago that I got "cut". I'd say I've come a long way since then, I've learned to drive, I've found a new job, I've started a course, I feel like my old self again, I have some idea what I want to do with my life. Granted with all that I have no idea how to find someone new, I've had lot's of people say "I'll find it when I'm not looking", but I find it hard not to look...

The course so far is going well, I got my first essay back and it passed! Considering I've never written one before, I thought that was pretty good going.

My job starts on Wednesday! I finished all the training for it last week, so from now on I'm a temp on a rolling contract with ASOS. Hopefully with this I then can put some of my plan in to action! Now that I'll have money to fund them.

Just glad things are working out a bit now.

Working Guy

2011-07-24T15:52:00.000-07:00

Well, after a bunch of interviews for jobs I didn't get I finally got a job! Funny thing is, I didn't need to do any interview for this. I am now training to work on ASOS's customer service team (www.asos.com). It's weird being there because a bunch of people who used to work at Dixons ended up there, due to that training doesn't feel like training to me....Also, one of the managers is someone I used to go to school with! It's a very odd feeling being in a place you've never been to before, but already feel like you've been there before. The people in are training group seem nice as well and we all seem to get along.

Besides that, I've finished my second essay for my course with 2,002 words! Not sure how well this one will go as I didn't reference anything, but I did read up on it and used that information in my own words to discuss the topic. Surely that shows that I read up on it? Plus, I'm not liking the idea of doing a reference, since they don't count towards your word count.

Anyways! I should sleep, I have to get up for work in the morning.

Show Time!

2011-07-16T05:43:00.000-07:00

Well, Friday came and went and I didn't hear a thing from her. I guess that was my answer. Never mind, not going to let it bring me down! After wasting 7 years on the wrong girl already, I'm not going to take crap from another female.

So, the last Harry Potter film...To be honest, the films started losing interest for me around Order Of The Phoenix. I'm not sure but something just seemed to be missing from the films, not as good as the older ones. I have lot's of people saying Deathly Hallows Part 1 was good, but to me it was a lot of time spent in a tent and not much going on at all...It just seemed that they had one ok film but padded it out to make 2 meh films. On the other hand I did get to see The Dark Knight Rises tease trailer, which being a tease didn't give much away at all...Well, besides that Gotham City has gone to shit and they need Batman back, but it also say it is the last Dark Knight film? At least the ending for that should be better then Harry Potter...

The fun of waiting....

2011-07-12T06:48:00.000-07:00

So, I had a job interview last week for a six month contract working in customer services, they said they'd let me know by Wednesday or Thursday, but...They're interviewing more people so I'm stuck waiting. Also, while that is going on I had a phone call about another job, so I have an interview on Thursday for that....An then I get a phone call to day to start a job at some place else?! What the hell is going on! Months of nothing and now I get jobs up to my ears...

On top of that I had a date...type thing. I'm not sure what to class it as really. We had spoken for a little bit via text, facebook and messages, and we planned to meet up and go to the film and comic con in London. She really likes Harley Quinn/Dr Harleen Quinzel, so she came as Harley Quinn and I went as The Joker. So we got the train to London and the tube to the venue (Was funny due to us being dressed up as we went there). We talked, joked and had fun, we also met up with one of her friend there and went around in a small group looking all the geeky wonders.

Me the clown prince of crime:

At one point me and her were sitting and eatting some lunch and I handed her a Joker playing card. On it I had written: Harry Potter - Friday 9pm. She said she liked Harry Potter, sO i'd got two tickets to the new film. When I handed it to her she said it was smooth and I was like "Well that's the Jokers style", she said she'd let me know, but it should be ok as the latest she worked was until 8.

When we left we went to a pub and had some drinks and chatted. After that we said goodbye, she hugged me and said we'd talk later. She was satying London with her friend and they were having a little reunion type thing.

As far as I know it went well....But I've not really done the dating thing at all, I feel a little like I'm in limbo at the moment unsure of what will happen or what I'm suppose to do. I guess I'll just have to see what Friday brings.

Boredom and Booze

2011-07-01T01:54:00.000-07:00

Finally June has eneded! For some reason that month was going really slow for me. So, let's see what's happened up till now.

For one I didn't start that job! I had a better offer which fell through, so I ended up losing two jobs. I do how ever have a job interview on Tuesday, so I hope everything goes well with that. I have had another job offer, well, in a way, but I've had to sign a declaration of non disclosure about it, so I can't really say anymore about it.

Besides that my course is going ok, done one essay so far and another seven to go (for the year). I will be seeing Foo Fighters this Sunday at the Milton Keynes Bowl! Should be good.

At the moment I am just so bored, I want something to happen. I mean I have things happening or in the works, but nothing is right now and it's just driving me crazy.

Well that's it for now. Take care

Long time old friend

2011-06-12T06:14:00.000-07:00

Yes! I am still around! I've just been kinda bust/forgetting to update this thing.

End of April

Ok, kind of a weird sub title but I'm filling you in....If anyone even reads this. Well at the end of April it would of been an anniversary and I had a feeling I'd get some message/friend request from my ex. I was right...Well, not on the day but about a week after it. Considering I'd deleted her past requests you think she'd take the hint, so I asked her what she waanted and got a reply along the lines of you "You deleted me off your friends, that's not very nice now is it =p".

Well I had tried to be friends...I know it's not an easy thing to do with an ex, but it always seemed like it was me messaging her, asking about her and her like and never the other way around, so back in November I deleted her. But real that's a cover excuse, even after what she did to me I'm still "nice" to her. The real reason is I hate her or close to it, after spending 7 years waiting to be a real couple, waiting because she told me to and saying that it'll be great when that day comes and for her then to leave me...All that I wouldn't of minded so much but it's what she did after that really fucking pisses me off! It took her less then a year? Maybe even half a year to move in with a new guy, she posts about him on facebook and other shit like that! I was kept a secret more or less for out those 7 years and everything I wanted she did/does with someone else in less the no time! So anyways I replied with we're not friends, we're done get over it. I guess I have a little still pent up about her, never saying that she's a fucking bitch etc and being nice has it's draw backs (also one of the reasons i'm here, it's a nice place to vent).

May

Well May brought on the MCM Expo in London and also my birthday \o/! This year I went as Snake for MGS3, Kiwi went as Ezio from AC2, my cousin went as Naruto, Sarah went as Jill from RE3 and Simon as Barry Burton from RE1:

There was a lot of Resident Evil cosplaying this year, not sure why but they al had a group photoshot outside. Karl and Paul came as well but didn't dress up as anything! They'll have to next time, but they still had fun walking around and checking out all the weird bits on sale. Also Duke Nukem was there promoting the up coming game...Well it's out now (12 years in the making and took me 12 hours to finish):

All in all it was a great day! An we're thinking of going again in October or when ever it is again. Granted I'm not changing outfits, one cosplay thing a year is enough for me.

After the expo we went home and changed and got ready for a night out (well not all of us, me, kiwi and Karl did). We all met up at a pub downtown and waited for other people to get there and got some drinks in while we watched the football (was the final). After people had showed up and the game had fisnihed we moved up to Jarman Park. There we drank some more, played bowling, pool and some arcades. was a good night, had lots of fun and lost at everything!

May also saw the start of my course and I'm now a hypnotherapist in training! Which should lead to the next course and me becoming a counsellor. Well if I can write this essay I have to do...Which is proving problematic.

June

In June I went to Paradise Wildlife Park with my Aunt and two of my cousins. We had a nice day walking around, seeing all the animals and taking lots of photos.

Also in June I went to Thorpe Park with my brother, his girlfriend and her daughter. Was a great day and and I did some more silly poses for the rides!

Yes! I'm reading while on a rollercoster! It was just funny after the rides and going to the photo bit, people were all like "Oh my god that guy's reading?!" and I was like "What? I wanted to read my book?".

So I think that has caught everyone up in things going on with me...Oh, I will be starting a new job soon as well! It's only for eight weeks but it's better then nothing and might lead to job after those eight weeks.

World Record!

2011-04-28T07:39:00.001-07:00

Yep, I think i set one for shortest phone interview with 02 ever! In fact I never even got to the interview part...

So they call me up, ask me some questions to make sure it was me and then some more, like am I able to work in the UK etc. They then got to "Do you have any holidays booked?" So I said "Well no, not holiday as in going away but one Sunday a month I can't do as I have a course". So he asks me if I know which (I had just got the letter that day telling me my class dates), so I read them off to him and he then puts me on hold to chat to his manager. After awhile he comes back and says "Sorry, we can't go any further as you're not totally flexible". An that was it!

After I was like wow...They can't even me one Sunday a month? You're a store in a crappy town, when are you EVER going to be that busy on a Sunday?

So the job hunt keeps on going...At least now I know when my course days are, which should help.

The hunt for the magic job!

2011-04-08T02:00:00.000-07:00

Well since I got back from America I have been trying to find a job. I has one for three weeks helping a friend of mine over Christmas and then went back to sending out CVs to everything again. I had two interview last few weeks, one I didn't get because I'd never make there for 9am (by bus it took me an hour 15-20 to get there) and the other I got! Woo!

That job started last Wednesday and I was all happy...That last for about two-three days there! I hated it. I started looking for a new job and getting in touch with agencies to find me work as well and before I could even tell this new place I was unhappy there, they got rid of me..heh. It's like they knew! To be honest I think they're going to find a hard time finding what they want. They had a girl working there before me and they did the same thing with her. Basically they want you to know everything from the start with little to no training for e.g. on one of the days there I got told I should also should have been sending a stock spreadsheet to the warehouse to let them know about bulk stock coming in. Fair enough, but they had never shown me the spreadsheet or even the data to go on the spreadsheet...So I'm unsure how I should of known to do something that I've never been told, shown. At the end of the day it's no great loss.

Other then that I have been chatting to a cute girl and things seem to be going good so far...Granted I don't want to jinx anything so I'll leave it as that for now.

Now it's back to sending out loads of CVs trying to find that magic job!

Spppppooooooooonnnnnnnnnn!

2011-03-08T17:29:00.000-08:00

As with last year, the MCM Expo is on/around my birthday!

http://www.londonexpo.com

I'm already planning to go as Snake from Metal Gear Solid. Kiwi is coming down for it dressed up as Ezio from Assassin's Creed Ii , Karl should be coming dressed as Karl, Kashmira is coming dressed up as Naruto (well for now! She's changed her mind three times so far), Paul (Uncle) isn't sure if he is coming and if he does probably wont dress up and Paul next door to that Paul is going as Wesker from Resident Evil 5. Should be a great day out, with the added bonus of crazy fun! Getting on a train/tube dressed up like this.

Other bits

As well as the Expo in May, my course starts then! So starts my path to the career I want.

My Grandad turned 80 a few weeks back so we had a family party for him.

A friend of mine had a birthday as well so we went out for the night. Got him very drunk...Almost felt sorry for his girlfriend. Was an alright night, nothing special, just the normal pub and then club.

Besides that nothing much has happened.

About damn time!

2011-02-19T19:42:00.000-08:00

Nope I didn't disappear back to America again.

I've just been trying to get used to me normal life again. Well I said I'd go into more detail about what happened, so let's start.

I landed there on a Wednesday. I found my bags and headed towards the exit, which meant going down some stairs. As I got close to the ground I saw a big guy holding a sign that said "SpoonyKipper". I laughed to myself and headed to the guy I didn't know holding the sign. Funny thing was he didn't know me either, so when I commented on the sign he thought I was just another random person asking about it. He finally got that I was SpoonyKipper and then Bev, her daughter and Susan came out from their hiding spots. Susan was dressed in this stunning dressed and came up and hugged me. I was a bit shocked from this and I think she could tell, the whole not used to gorgeous women wanting to hug me bit. Later I found out it's just how people are in Alabama, a lot more friendly.

When we went outside it hit me how hot and stuffy it was in New Orleans. We walked to the cars and I picked to go with Bev and her daughter, since Susan and Johnathan (the big guy) smoked. I would soon found out that pretty much everyone smoked. We stopped at a Waffle House on the way to Mobile AL as I was hungry. I'd not eatten on the flight due to a news report I'd seen about the airline I had used. I'm guessing I stuck out like a sore thumb...It's such an odd feeling I mean, everything was the same in a way but not, small things had changed. Anyway we ordered food, with me asking what the hell some stuff was. I don't remeber the ride to Susan's house but I do remeber falling asleep with her. The next morning I could hear people talking, her Nan was confused and wondering who the guy was in Susan's bed. I'll point out at this time that NOTHING happened, it was just sleep. She is a friend who also had a boyfriend (at the time), so I wouldn't have done anything.

I don't remeber much of the second day. We did go to Carpe Diem later. Carpe was a cafe (also had a Dead Poets Society movie poster inside) where we would hangout at most days, before working out what we were doing. At Carpe I got to meet a lot more people such as Wes, Anastasia, Kira, Thomas, Chris, Lisa, Jamie, Chad and Casey. While at Carpe we'd chat, play Uno, Monopoly Deal or 9's. Once we got bored or it got late enough we'd either head home or got to a pub. Since my second day there was a Thursday it was Karaoke night up at Hayley's bar. We'd go there pretty much every Thursday.

Hayley's was like a biker bar (well to me it looked like one). Wes and Johnathan liked doing Karaoke and had a few songs already in the queue. They did ask me to sing, but I was nervous. So Susan fixed me up a paralyzer, which is:

1 shot of Tecilla
1 shot Burban
1 shot Rum
1 shot Vodka
1 shot Triple Set
1 shot Southern Comfort
1 shot Whiskey

In a shaker half filed with ice
pour them all in, put equial amounts of
orange and pinapple, tiny splash of
cranberry juice and a little bit of granadeen
shaker should be full after that.

Shake well, strain in to 3 rocked glasses
rocked glasses should be closed to full.

But this was only put two cups, one was for me and the other was for Johnathan. After that I was a lot more relaxed, drunk and wanted to sing! I ended up singing most Thursdays, as well as slowly working towards singing with out needing a drink beforehand.

Anyway, this was only the first two days and I experienced lots while I was there, far too much to be able to put on here so I'll sum up the best points.

Being a typical guy the first would be! Being in a hot tub with two topless girls and one naked one. Also two of them started "messing" with each other, one had perfect breasts. I almost had a photo of me with the three of them, but they changed their minds just as it was about to be taken. Oh well, I'll always have a picture in my mind of it.

Second, would be all the people and the stuff we did. They are a lot nicer, friendlier, warm then the people that live near me and most people in the UK. The stuff we did ranged from just hanging out, going to the cinema, seeing a band or me just making dinner for some of them. They liked me a lot, they didn't want me to leave and I didn't want to go. I'm thinking about moving out there.

Third, would be the "no strings" fling I had with someone while over there. It was only for a few days, but she rated me very highly and wanted to become my girlfriend. I, a little embarrassed that they talk about such things with each other (she told Susan how good I was), but I was also surprised and then amused, considering she was my third. Yes I rocked her world! Go me. I will add that I don't see the big thing about sex with no emotional connection, or why guys like it so much. Sex with out love for me is just...Meh.

The fourth would be my tattoo, which is of a biohazard symbol and a reminder of my trip. I've been wanting it for awhile and got it got done by a guy called Chad. I ended up going to his wedding, which was a nice day and I ended up bring a bartender. Guess that also includes the fifth, going to an American wedding.

My sixth thing would be shooting a gun. I got to shoot a .40cal and a .32cal handgun at a range. It's surprising how loud a gun can be heh.

Seventh would be going to Orlando in Florida! Getting to meet up with Doodles again, going to Universal Studios which was a great day out with all the rides, bowling and getting my first turkey! (Three strikes in a row), going swimming and also eating gator!

Well that's my trip to the US. Granted more did go on, but it would take ages to tell you all about it. It was my escape and thanks to it I finally feal like my normal self. It's good to be me again!

Guess who's back, back again

2010-11-09T08:32:00.000-08:00

I'm back! Now where to begin...Well instead of being in the US for a month I was almost there for three! I had such a great time and everyone loved me out there that I didn't want to go and they didn't want me to leave.

While out there I did karaoke most Thursdays at Hayley's bar, went to a shooting range, had fun at a state fair (twice!), went to Universal Studios, ate gator, got a tattoo done, stapled a five pound note to a wall of dollar bills at Paddy O'Toole's,
looked around Fort Jackson (army base) in South Carolina, saw The Molly Ringwalds which was a great 80's cover band and also got to go back stage!, hungout at a cafe called Carpe Diem alot (that's from Dead Poets Society), went to a wedding and ending up being a bartender for awhile, went to a Tim Burton themed birthday party dressed as an English guy (I could pull that off), dressed up as the Joker for Halloween, looked after a very injured cat (thought he might die at one point), cooked! And people loved it!, bowled a turkey (for the first time), went to a preview screening of Scott Pilgrim Vs The World! Great film and then went to see it two/three times more, ate Sushi for the first time and loved it (also ate other strange things for the first time), went to a cinema some Friday nights that showed really old classic horror films (like Frankenstein, Evil Dead 2, Halloween), had my palm read and also a reading done with Tarot cards, saw a one percenter biker gang, looked around New Orleans French Quarter, listened to music/bands I've never heard before (some are now on my ipod), treated Susan and Wes to Ruth's Chris Steak House as a thank you (they had great food and had the best calamari I've ever eaten), walked around a mall and saw lots of shops we don't have here (I wanted to be a mallrat), went in a Hot Tub for the first time, exposed Americans to sweetcorn on a pizza (for all the weird foods they had, they don't put sweetcorn on a pizza?!), I was able to go shopping at a supermarket at 3-4am (that was Wal-Mart), saw my first 3D film (yes I could of done that here).
I did get up to more but those are the highlights from my trip.

I'll go into things in more details another time.

Count down to take off!

2010-08-06T19:56:00.000-07:00

T minus 5760 minutes or something around that....

Not long now before I leave for America! I can't believe how fast it's come round. It only seems like yesterday that I was thinking "Only two months to go" and then BOOM! Out of no where it snuck up on me like some monocle wearing ninja (Just watched Cop Out and it had this funny part to do with a monocle. If you're wondering whats up with that).

Plans so far:

11th-18th - I'll be in Mobile staying with Susan and her family and being shown around by her and friends. Also we should be seeing places near by like New Orleans

19th-23rd - Off to Orlando to stay with Lindsay and we'll be going to lots of theme parks! We have plans to see Disney World and Universal Studios as well as others. Also if I'm lucky I might get to go to a shooting range YAY! Since I live in the UK we don't get to play with guns, so I'd like to shoot one at least once. Oh and I'll vist some family over there as well.

23rd-2nd - Back in Mobile to hang out with Susan and we will be going to see The Molly Ringwalds (Check it out http://themollyringwalds.com). Looks like a great 80s cover band.

3rd-5th - I will be off to South Carolina to see Sandi for the weekend. Not sure yet what we'll be up to but I think she said something about a BBQ.

6th-14th - In Mobile again until my flight back to the UK and my crappy town.

I wont be going to Ohio due to some difficulties. I will try and get out there another time to see friends and maybe go to a Con with them.

Besides that I'm now out of a my job as I was made redundant on the 3rd. We had a work leaving ball on the 24th of July for everyone that worked or did work there. It was nice to see some of the old faces and was a good night, well apart from one part! I didn't have any ID to get in to the club...I always had my provisional drivers licence in my wallet but I had passed my driving test that week (WOOOO!!!!) and they take it off you. So no club for me *sad panda*.

The 3rd was our last day we all went out for drinks. We had a half day and hit the pub at 12pm and stayed until...Well I left about 6:30pm and a few people were still around. It was a kind of happy/sad mix of feelings for most people. A nice thing was we all got given laminated papers with goodluck/bye messages on from everyone in our office. I was a bit surprised to see how many I had....I didn't expect to get that many. Made me wish I had written more on peoples. Problem was writing something on everyones, you run out of things to put and by the end I was just writing "All the best and goodluck in whatever you do next". Oh well, at least I wrote something on everyones.

One month to go!

2010-07-12T03:48:00.001-07:00

One month today i'll be in Mobile Alabama! An I'm getting excited! Not really sure what to expect when I get there. I know it's going to be fucking hot but apart from that I have no idea. I do know it's a "redneck" area and to me that brings to mind gun crazy, mullet sporting, truck loving kinds of people. I could be totally wrong and thats just the stereotypical "redneck" that we in the UK are used to....I guess i'll have to let you know.

If I don't make it back to the UK it's possible I died from alcohol poisoning! Alabama is one of the states that legally sell Everclear:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Everclear_(alcohol)

Thats 95% alcohol?! If I don't die, I might not be able to remeber what I did.

Apart from what I've been thinking about the trip alot, what will the people I've been chatted to online be like in real life, what will I get up to, who will I meet, how much fun can I fit into one month, how broke will I be after that month (trying not to think of that one), will anything "happen" while I'm away. As much as I daydream about different scenarios (plus what I daydream neevvveeerrr happens) I will just have to wait and see what happens in a months time.

Them Crooked Vultures

2010-07-09T06:48:00.000-07:00

It was a busy day indeed! Before going to the gig I was going to the gym with Deny as a guest to try it out. Deny picked me off and we went off down town, chatting about work and bits as we went. We parked up in town and walked to the gym which was up loads of flights of stairs, It was a work out in it's self! Inside were all strange and weird machines to work different parts of your body and I'm sure some could be used to torture people.

We started out on the cross trainer for ten minutes to get warmed up, while doing it we changed direction every minute (peddled the other way). After that we went round doing lots of different things with Deny showing me first and then me doing 5-10 reps of it. Only thing was after an hour i felt fuzzy and had to stop due to lack of water....I'd only brought a little bottle with me and not being used to a work out like that and the heat in the gym I almost passed out. I went to the barthroom and sat in the stool for a bit getting my breath back (I was suddenly out of breath as well, it just hit me when I went fuzzy). After a little bit I got up and splashed my face with water and I was ok again but we called it a day after that. Deny drove me home and I then had to shower and get ready to go back out to meet Karl at the train station.

I met Karl and Lindsay (his gf) at the train station around 3 (due to leaving early for Aerosmith and having houuuurrrss to kill we didn't want a repeat). We got our tickets and headed off to London! While on the way we chatted and Karl and Lindsay seemed to take little digs at each other, knowing how Karl felt about her I wondered if that was signs that it wouldn't last long between those two. When we got to London we went for something to eat and ended up in Nandos! I love Nandos and hadn't been to one for ages and as we sat there eatting it hit me....The last time I went to Nandos was almost a year ago on my ex's birthday but I didn't let it ruin my day out thinking about it. After that we headed off to Brixton to get to the Brixton Academy. When we got there we still had time to kill so we went and got a drink in a pub near by and chatted. After that we went over to the Academy and queued up with the rest of the people and chatted while we waited, after awhile a guy working for the Academy if any one had an 02 mobile. Everyone didn't move or say anything and me wondering why said yes (because I did) and showed him my mobile, he then told as we could queue up in the 02 priority line (02 now own Brixton Academy) which was alot shorter then the other line. We stood and waited while chatting about random stuff until the doors opened and we could go in. Inside we all got a "Them Crooked Vultures" t-shirt (going to get one at every venue I go to), walked out in to the main hall and found a place to stand. I got advised by Karl and Lindsay not to stand near the front as this kind of gig can get a little crazy with mosh pit action (they had an ambulance waiting outside on stand by). We found a place to stand and chatted while we waited for the bands to come on stage and watched the roadies do their thing.

After awhile the lights went down and the support band came on an Irish rock band who just well....rocked out, no singing just playing. They were pretty good and we all got to mosh/head bang/whatever to it and then we got to wait again while roadies sorted out stuff again. The crowd went crazy when Them Crooked Vultures came on everyone was cheering, shouting, whistling and just going nuts. As the band set up Josh Homme said thanks for coming out and said to wave to his friend Brian who was watching over the internet. I didn't know this at the time but the gig was down to raise money for Brian O’Connor (bassist for Eagles of Death Metal) who was recently diagnosed with cancer and didn't have any medical insurance. Felt nice to know I was helping someone with out even knowing I was helping them. Well it was a great gig and even though I'd never heard of Them Crooked Vultures before hand I really enjoyed it! Karl also has tickets for us all to go see 30 Seconds to Mars in November.

News updates

2010-07-07T07:34:00.000-07:00

Ok bits going on at the moment.

I bought my plane tickets to the US! I will be leaving on the 11th of August and wont be back until the 14/15th of Sept. I have printed tickets, invoice, visa, passport is in date and have sorted out travel insurance. Only thing really left to do is get some more shorts/summer wear, sunblock as August is still their summer in Alabama and sort out travel for going to Ohio and Orlando.

Last day of work for most of us here (we're being made redundant)is on the 3rd of August. So I have about a week from when we finish until I go away wooooo! I also have an idea for something I really want to do when I come back and have some books set aside to study it and have also found a course that I can start next year. Only problem will be money but I can hopefully find something until the course to save some up.

We have an end of work ball thing set up for the 24th of July but I'm not sure if I want to go or not...

So really at the moment it's just finding something to make it through the work day and hoping this last month goes quickly.

Aerosmith!

2010-07-07T07:27:00.000-07:00

Apart from seeing Eminem I'd never been to a concert/gig that really interested me. I couldn't really enjoy Eminem that much anyways as that was back when my back was messed up and I was in pain/couldn't stand the well. So when I got an email from 02 about priority tickets for Aerosmith I jumped at the chance to go see them! As soon as they went on sale I got myself two tickets for standing and was all happy. Then came the "who am I taking with me" question....At first I thought maybe my uncle as he likes Aerosmith and so I mentioned it to him, but while chatting to the girl at work I like about music, I asked if she liked Aerosmith and then asked if she'd like to go. She wasn't sure and so I left it as that and then it hit me...Why not ask Karl, he liked them as well as me and I've not done anything with him for awhile. So I called him up and asked him about it and he said he'd go and even pay for his ticket which was a plus.

Gig day! I met Karl downtown around 12 and we walked to the train station while chatting about random stuff. We stopped in at pub on the way for a drink and then carried on to the station. We reaaaalllllly shouldn't have left as early as we did because by the time we got to the 02 Arena (I remebered how to get there from my tubing around London the month before! Go me!) we had like two hours+ to kill. So we walked about the Arena looking at stuff, I brought an Aerosmith shirt and put it on to fit in with all the other people wearing Aerosmith things. We spent most of the time before hand sat on the floor in the queue to the gate.

When we finally got in we made our way to the stage or as close as we could get to it and then stood waiting again while roadies set up and tested thing. Looking around the Arena it didn't seem as big as it did when I came before to see someone else here. Then again last time I was there I was sat in the upper tier seats at the very front. After some time the lights went down and the first support band came on! The band was ok, sounded like they were just starting out and kept promoting themselves between songs. After them we stood and waitted again while the roadies did they thing and again the light went down and the second support band came on. This band was better then the first and the main vocalist/guitarist jumped off the front of the drums every now and then (I did take video and photos of some gig but it's all uploaded on to facebook but I'll stick a link to some on here at some point). After this there was more roadie action and the drum kit that was there for the support bands was taken away and replaced with an Aerosmith drum kit and people went crazy and took photos of it. The lights went down and a big screen thing came down witht he Aerosmith logo on and people went nuts, screaming etc. The sheet stayed up for about 2-3mins with drum and guitar testing going on while it was up and then! Spotlights flashed up on the Aerosmith sign as the guitar startered playing, the sheet was dropped and was a flash of light Aerosmith were there and playing "Love in an Elevator". Considering how old the band is now (you can really see it in some of the photos I took) they still rocked it. I also kind of lost Karl as with some people pushing through the crowd he ended up behind me and then later he went to the bar at the back anyways and stayed there. I on the other hand was happy where I was with some random German girl grinding herself on me. It was a good night but the only let down really was the crowd....They all just stood there and hardly moved or joined or anything! Which to me seems a waste of time, I mean why pay out money to see a band you like to stand there and just do nothing? You can do that at home.

After the gig ended it was the fight to the tube station! Hundreds of people all coming out of the 02 Arena and going to the station but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. The tube we got on didn't have that many people so I could finaly sit down and off we went back to Euston and then home.

The next day or so Karl phoned me up, going to Aerosmith had put the "gig bug" into him and he wanted to see more bands and said he'd try and get some tickets to see Linkin Park. He wasn't able to get tickets for Linkin Park but he got tickets for Them Crooked Vultures (band started by Dave Grohl from Foo Fighters) on July 5th at the Brixton Academy.

Expo & Birthday

2010-07-07T05:03:00.000-07:00

Well since I have some free time at work (they'll be reasons for that later). I thought I might get a few entries out the way!

On May 27th it was my birthday! Yay wooo...I'm old etc. Not really much to note down on here about it, I got some money, DVDs, odd bits and on Friday night I went out with a few people for a few drinks. I was more excited about the MCM Expo on Saturday!

The MCM Expo is a games, anime, film, manga, comic expo held in the Excel Exhibition Centre and as it is an Expo people cosplay it up when they go there. Due to me needing little reason to want to dress up as something I had got myself a Corsair outfit (thats to do with Final Fantasy 11). Andrew who was driving us down to it had been before but again had not got anything ready to wear for it! Sarah (who was meeting us there) was going as Fang from Final Fanasty 13 and one of their friends who was dressed up as someone from Naruto as far as I could tell.

When we go to there Andrew parked in the underground car park of the Excel and went to get a ticket while I put my gear on and then stopped. I noticed most of the people parking up and getting out were dressed in normal clothes....I then hoped to god that I wasn't the only person dressed up as something. We walked through the car park and I got some odd looks from people as we went along BUT when we got to the doors in to the Excel (glass) I could see a group of people sitting down dressed up as things! I open the door to find the whole of Excel full of people and most of them dressed up! YAY! You had people dressed up as people from Bleach, Naruto, Final Fantasy, Resident Evil, Fullmetal Alchemist, Dragon Ball and loads more that I have no idea of. Plus most of the things the girls were wearing were kind of revealing, not that I minded. Oh and people giving away free hugs?? I'd never been to anything like this but it's some kind of Expo inside joke....Oh well I got some free hugs so it's all good.

The line for tickets in to the Expo was pretty big and I felt sorry for people in some of the costumes as it was pretty warm in there. As we walked round the line we got to see some more funky outfits and some people dressed up in steampunk style outfits. One of the steampunk girls had this clockwork wind up key in her back and it moved round like she was a wind up toy. We got our tickets and went in to the Expo and that was just crowded with people! It had lots of bits inside artwork, comics, posters, models, toys, hats, replica weapons and more. It was nice to see all the strange and interesting things that my friend in Hong Kong (well shes not there anymore) would see most days.

But it was a great day out seeing all the things and taking photos/videos of the expo as well as having your photo taken by random people (and getting hugged). We've already said we'll go again next year and I've already started thinking about what to wear. Plus Andrew will have to go as something thing time....

Doodles day two.

2010-07-07T03:37:00.000-07:00

Well I have been jabbed a few times to carry on with my blog as I keep having big gaps of nothing! Also Shury showed me a site with lots of different templates for blogs on here, so I picked one to change things up a little.

Anyways to carry on with my last entry here it is:

Doodles vist day two.

We started out later today as we didn't need to be at the Excel Exhibition Centre until the afternoon, so I got to have a little lay in. We were going to the Excel because Doodles dad was in a company that made things for military training and she wanted to check out as well as chat to some of the guys from NATO that she knew.

I met up with her at Waterloo again and set off to the Excel while chatting about random stuff. When we got there the place was full of people and other exhibitions going on. To get in to the military part Doodles and her dad had come up with a company that she worked for and that I was a part of, she already had her pass but I had to get mine at the desk/gate. When I got there they asked for ID and then went off to check it as it looked like something was wrong, they then asked as to come over to the otherside while they did the checks. In the meantime Doodles called her dad and said we were having problems and he came over to the gate and asked what was going on, they said I only had a yahoo email as my email address and had no business cards (I was suppose to be a consultant). Her dad got talking to them, said I was independent and just starting up and that I didn't have any of those things. They then asked who he was, he told them and said (showing them his pass) that he was doing one of the exhibitions inside, they looked at him and the pass and then said it'd be fine if he would vouch for me and he said sure and so I got my pass and got in! Not really that hard to get in....I could of been a spy or anything! Inside we saw lots of training things and the best way to describe it is to say it was big kid toys, because thats what it was EVERYTHING was like some kind of COD take off. We looked, played with some of the bits (I got to try night vision) and ran in to one of the Israelis that we'd be having dinner with later on.

We didn't stay long at the Excel as after you been round a few times you get kind of bored....So we left and went back to the hotel for more tea and chatting. Oh a side note of the hotel, it might be all big and fancy looking BUT the rooms...that was the let down! It was maybe a little better then a Premier Inn! The TV was better and they had a desk for working on and that was it, everything else was more or less the same and for the amount of money it costs per night I was expecting something more. Anyways, after tea we went off to Madame Tussauds and when we got there, there were loads of people! But they were all standing in the group line and when we got round to the other door there was no line so we just walked in and paid etc was no problems....Or so we thought. After you pay for your tickets you walk round and get in a lift to go down to the start which is the "A list party". When the doors open you are standing facing a wall with lots of camera lights going off and people asking you questions just like you were a real star walking in to some kind of party. Inside were all (well not all) the famous stars at the moment and also lots and lots of PEOPLE! It must of been the French and Indians day out, they were everywhere and sooooooo rude. The don't say sorry, they don't ask if they can get past, all just walk in to you and barge past! We did get a few photos from inside but we didn't stay long because of all the rude people.

After that we went back to the hotel to chill and wait for her parents before going off together for dinner with the Israelis. We were meeting them at a restaurant outside of Victoria Station (can't remeber the name) but it was an Italian. We sat at the table in a small group (there were 8 of us) and chatted about different things and had a nice meal but Doodles was starting to feel ill from a cold or flu or even hay-fever. At the end we all shook hands and said goodbye and got back on the underground with Doodles and her parents. We said our goodbyes at their stop and I went onward to Euston and home.

The next day was cancelled as Doodles now felt like crap and it was also a good thing for me! Due to all that walking about and standing around, when I woke up on and tried to go to the bathroom my legs just gave way pretty much....So I had a day to rest/recover and relax while Doodles was stuck in the hotel room being ill. It's a shame I never got to give a real goodbye to her before she left the UK but I might get to see her when im over in the US in August.

Doodles day one.

2010-06-23T06:31:00.000-07:00

Well it's been over a month since I last did an update, guess it's time for another massOupdate.

First off we have Doodles coming over to vist in May.

Doodles vist day one:

Doodles was staying in London for a week, going to Ireland for the weekend and then back in London for 2-3 days before going back to Orlando. We'd met each other on an FFXI (Final Fantasy 11) forum and had chatted now and then. Since she was coming to the UK she said it'd be a great to meet up and have some fun around London and also to have someone that knew their way around....little did she know my skills of going round London were zero.

Leading up to the meeting Doodles at Waterloo station I'd had a little look at the underground online and knew where I had to go etc (it was really easy as there is one tube from Euston to Waterloo). When the day came I left early due to traffic as one of the roads near where I live was closed, got to the station and got a day travel card and went off to Euston station. Now for the fun....I got to Euston, went down the steps to the underground (knowing where I needed to go) and then stood there stuck! I know I needed the southbond Northenline but the one path that said Northenline didn't say if it was going north or south and so I stood there for awhile wondering if I should just go down and look? Not really sure what to do. After awhile I walked down one of the paths to a tub station and on going down there a little bit lead to a split in the path showing the different directions that the tube line went and which platform for which. It was kind of a duh/oh I get it moment and then the underground "clicked" in my head and I got how the whole thing worked! It might sound pretty silly but for all other trips I've been to London I've always followed someone and never really looked at how to get places on my own.

I got to Waterloo around and hour early (didn't take as long as I thought it would even with traffic), so I gave Doodles a call...or at least tried to. I'd never called her mobile before and the last time she'd called me (complaining that our beer etc is too bitter), so when I tried to call and it came up blocked I kinda didn't know what to do. I could still text her so I sent one saying I was at the sation early and to call as my phone wouldn't let me and then waited. While I was waiting I was trying to get online on my phone to find 02's number to tell them to unblock international calls, not that it would of been as she was in the UK. Just before I'd managed to find an 02 number Doodles called and said to head to the Waterloo train station exit (I was at the underground) and wait there. So I went down and round to the station exit and sat there waiting for her.

As I sat and waited I wondered where Doodles would be coming in from, so I sat and looked around thinking if she'd notice me or would I notice her. While sitting there my phone rang and it was her wondering where I was so I told her where about as I was sitting and looked up to see her on her phone and she said yeah I see you now. I got up and walked over to say hi and hugged her and we both walked off to her hotel and I asked her how she was finding London so far etc as we walked. She and her parents were staying in the Marriott City Hall hotel right next to the London Eye, it's very verrrryy posh! We walked through the hotel to the one of the lounges (it has more then one), we sat there drinking tea for a bit while talking and were joined by her parents a little later. We then had breakfast together which was kind of funny as with the US/UK name change for things and them asking for stuff that just confused the waitress.

After breakfast we talked about where/what to do next and decided to go to the London Dungeon! When we got there it was pretty empty as it was a Monday which was a plus, so we paid and went in and had our photo taken at the start with the axe and stocks (I was the one getting my head cut off). Most of it was the same as a when I went a few years back but they had added some new bits and while on the way round Doodles got picked on and put in a cage, I got questions right about torture devices and later I got burnt at the stake BUT right at the end now they have this hanging ride where they take you up and drop you in the dark...we didn't get the photo from that which I'm kind of glad as my face just show'd me going FFFFFUUU! But it was a good laugh going round the Dungeons.

We headed off to the Tower of London next, I can't ever remeber going to see it before but apparently I had been there as a kid. We walled around and saw the changing of the guards, the Ravens (Legend has it that failing to keep ravens at the Tower of London will mean the great White Tower will crumble and a terrible disaster shall befall England), the crown jewels and other armor bits. After that we we're both hungry and I'd spotted a Wetherspoons pub just over from the Tower when we got there so we went there for lunch. While we were eatting I managed to find a drink that Doodles loved after all the bitter drinks she'd tasted at the weekend (was a VK cherry) and she then wanted to know how to get them shipped to the US. We then headed back to the hotel after lunch and went to the lounge again to chat, have a drink and her parents stopped by for a bit again. When it started to get dark she walked me to the train station and said goodbye and I went on my merry way back home.

A week to think

2010-05-14T07:22:00.000-07:00

Well my week away to Fokestone was nice, it was a nice time to just think about what I want to do for the future. Granted I'm still not sure as with life nothing is 100% and so I'm still looking in to a few things before I set that as what I want/will do. My mind did also go to my ex..well my 1st ex now and the girl at work I like, as the only downside with the week away was how lonely it was without having someone to share it with, the beach, the lovely sights/views etc. I also noticed how much I missed technology! I mean it was nice and quiet and gave me time to think but I also couldn't check emails, talked to people online, check things....I mean it seems like sucha small thing but like with pretty much everything you don't know how much you'll miss it until it's gone.

While I was there I walked along the beaches, did some fishing, checked out little antique shops and some art shops where I ended buying two pictures. It took me awhile but I did find a shop that sold sticks of rock (it's like a candy stick i guess) so I could bring them back for people at work, I also found a nice coloured shell for the girl at work. I did take some photos while I was away and will update with some soon.

While I had so much time to myself I also wrote another poem:

All I Need

A Smile that brings warmth in to my life,
she'd never have to talk to me just smile,
her eyes glittering as the edges of her lips reach them,
all I need is her and her smile.

A laugh that brings joy to my life,
i'd never need music just the sound of her laugh,
the feeling I get inside when I hear it,
all I need is her and her laugh.

A kiss that brings meaning to my life,
I'd never be unsure of anything as all the answer are in her kiss,
the secrets waiting on her lips to taste,
all I need is her and her kiss.

All I need is her I hope one day all she needs is me.

I also got this book while I was away "Hector And The Search For Happiness". It was a good book and made me notice a few things in it that I did that made me...well unhappy, so I'm trying not to do those anymore. When I finally did get home as well I was greeted by a 90day notice from work, they had finally made the call and my office was going so on the 3rd of August I will be out of a job. The plus side to this I have worked for them long enough to get redundancy pay, as well as the bonus for the year just gone (their year is May to April) and they also pay us off for the last month so we go at the start of August but get paid for that month! So with all that money I will be going to the US for a month, I have a place to stay so all I need is plane tickets and spending money YAY!

Also looking forward to next week! Where I shall because a London tour guide.....not that I know anything about London or where I'm going or anything, it'll be kinda fun. That is due to Doodles coming over from the US so i'll be going round London with her for three days to see the signts, go to lots of pubs and just have fun really.

Sand, sea & hot tubs

2010-04-30T17:14:00.000-07:00

As I'm going away for a week tomorrow, I thought I might give a little update before I left.

As I like this girl at work, we've been emailing etc during the day. One email she asked me a bunch of questions and I answered them honestly...well I did hold it back abit lol but still answered and then things seem to get a little weird. I mean if you asked someone who liked you what they thought about you, they're going to tell you how they feel (at a guess).

After work I texted her saying I didn't mean for it to get weird etc and I should understand more (she had a similar thing with her ex). She said it's cool and she's not looking for anything like that at the moment and I said i totally understand. Hell all you need to do is read back on this to see how fucked up I was....Anyways I said when she's ready maybe we can go on a date or something sometimes and she said she'll remeber that. That made my day! I mean she could of said no out right but she didn't.

I know it's a tiny hope but it's better then none at all xD. Today at work also seemed alot better as well, we joked about etc ^^ it just seemed better after that little talk.

Also finding out she likes Aerosmith! I'm hoping to take her with me to see them in June.

Anyways I should get ready for a week at the beach ^^

Pick a box any box.

2010-04-27T07:37:00.001-07:00

I'm stuck on what to do next in my life.

On one hand I can find a new job, get a place and a car and on the other I can do a course which will take about five years and then get a job, place and car. The downside to the course is I'll have to wait five more years before I could move out and even after doing it I might not be able to get a job using it....but then again I could. I'm off on holiday next week so I guess I'll lay on a beach thinking it over.

In other things, it didn't work out with that girl I was going out with so I ended breaking it off. I have a little crush on a girl at work and said something to her the other day but got the "just friends" reply. I don't mind too much she is a funny, cute, kind, lovely girl with this great smile/laugh & personality but is also a bit of a gamer and also plays the piano....but at least we're still friends...it's better then nothing I guess...

Besides all that I have things to look forward to:

May
Holiday by the sea for a week. (Also while I'm away people at work will have a meeting to find out the fate of our office)
Open evening for the college to go see about my course.
Friend coming down from the US so I've taken some days off to go round London with then.
My birthday! Yay I'm getting old.
The MCM Expo in London - This is a games, anime, manga, cosplay thing and I'll be going dressed up as something.

June
Going to see Aerosmith

June/July
Going to the US for a month! It's a shorter trip but as I'll be staying with people, all I need is plane tickets and spending money.

8 Years ago.

2010-04-26T18:06:00.001-07:00

8 Years ago on the April 27th I met someone for the first time. She changed my world and my life forever.

I can never forget that day nor can I ever forget her...

Confused

2010-04-01T13:50:00.000-07:00

I guess seven years is not an easy thing to forget. However much I try to forget, at some point out of nowhere *bam!* I'm thinking about her again. It's always the normal things (how is she doing, could we have made it work, does she think of me etc). It gets me down as well because if she's still on my mind am i really over her, if I'm not am I using my g/f? I mean I feel things for my g/f but they keep coming and going......Sometimes I wonder if I could love her but whenever i start to feel sometimes and think it could be that it goes again. Could I be scared of getting hurt again? Am I just scared that if I do love her that means I am over my ex and she is gone? Well to her I'm gone already but am I ready to let go? Why am I even holding on if I am? I even ending up writing a poem the other day due to it:

Love Lost

She haunts my memories of a time past,
however much I move on and try to forget,
she come out of nowhere and pulls me back,
now I'm here with her chasing my thoughts.

She's left me with question that will go unanswered,
sometimes I think they will drive me mad,
could we have done more?
could we have made it last?
but alas it is too late now.

So I'm left with these thoughts haunting me,
wondering if she ever thinks of me,
but however much I think and miss of her,
she's gone from my life and it hurts me so.

Now with nothing left of those years spent together,
but the memories of a love I lost.

So as the title says for this entry of my blog, I'm confused! I hope I get my head sorted out I don't want to be messing my g/f around as she is a lovely girl. I spent the other day helping her with an outfit for court (she's studying law) and I pick out something professional for her to wear heh.

Apart from that, lets see what else is going on:

I still have no idea how long we have left at work before they hand out the notices.

I'm still waiting on the open evening to go see about my course.

I don't have long left till round two of my driving test.

It was my friends birthday and today! (yes he is an April fool) I got him a LCD TV heh. Now he can play on his 360 as he has a spare TV! Also in funky HD. He should be down here in about two weeks YAY! So i'll be dragging his ass out and getting him drunk!

I have been helping another friend. She...well something bad happened and she has been depressed. I've been trying to cheer her up and keep her busy so she doesn't worry to much or think of the bad stuff.

It was Andrew's birthday at work (who is also an FF fan). People choice me to do his collection and pick his prezzie, so I got him a plush moogle and a mini FF sword collection. We're going out tomorrow for drinks for his birthday as we're all off for four days now! Yay!

Well thats it for now ^^

Happy Easter everyone (a little early).

Mass O Update!

2010-03-16T07:24:00.000-07:00

Yes I'm still around! I have been trying to do an update but keep getting side tracked.

Work & Things

My office is looking deserted with more people being let go each week and other people leaving for new jobs instead of sitting around waiting. I have gone for the "wait and see" option as I have found the courses I want to do and would prefer to stay here and save my money up. The downside to having some idea of what I want to do now is:

1) It's going to take a few years of school.
2) I don't think I can go on my trip as it's going to cost a fair bit for the courses.

Plus side is I'll be doing something creative and fun and hopefully will get a job I enjoy.

Games & Stuff

The gamer in me has been in overload for last few months with:

Bayonetta - Like Devil May Cry but you're female....jump, shoot, hack&slash your way through lots of angels and get upgrades to have better ways of doing it. Have to say I liked this more then Dante's

Dante's Inferno - Following the hype of the game I was looking forward to this and...was let down. God of War does it better.

Mass Effect 1&2 - I'd never played the first game before, but I heard people talking about the second game alot so I picked both up. Really liked both games and gave me a reason to use my 360 for once. Can't wait now for the third one now.

Heavy Rain - After seeing clips for the game online I couldn't wait to play this! The game was just wow! I was hooked from when I started playing this and couldn't stop till I had finished it (5am the next morning). When I find some free time from other games I'll be redoing it for other endings.

Silent Hill Shattered Memories - I'd never got in to Silent Hill games before but new concept behind this one intrested me, it's just you and a flashlight in Silent Hill. Also the endingto it was just!! So thanks to this game I now have Silent Hill 1-4 to play.

Assassin's Creed 2/Resident Evil 5 - I'd finished both games but they've now got DLC's for both with extra missions and what not to do. Due to that I got to dust those off and have another run round on both of them.

Final Fantasy XIII - Playing this at the moment and have almost finished it. The game is very different to the normal FF game as the first 30odd hours are very linear and focused on the story. Granted FF has always been about the story but you could go off and come back to it at your own pace, this game is walking you down a set path from one cinematic to the next with monsters to kill on the way, sometimes the path might break off in two but one will be a dead end with an item box. When the game does open up you also get some quests/missions to do as well and also gives you a chance to get some exp before getting back on the path of the story. Besides all that I have enjoyed it!

Final Fantasy XIV - Not that I can talk about testing the game soo.....

Dragon Age Origins Awakening - I really liked Origins and it was my first Bioware game (also what made me try Mass Effect). This is...well was my first 100% achievement on a game! Until they brought out the first expansion for it "Awakening" which is out today. So as soon as I finish FFXIII I'll be switching over to this and then go back to FFXIII for all the extra bits.

Stuff & Things

I had last week off work as I was using up my holiday....it was ok apart from being ill though most of it. I chatted to my girlfriend, played some games, watched a film or two, went out Friday night as I was feeling better and had a driving lesson on Saturday.

Friday night I went out bowling with Paul and Kashmira but this time we had a new player as my girlfriend came as well. She said she'd not been bowling in ages and was really bad at it etc....An then went and won the first game, she almost won the second game as well and so I think we almost got hustled! I also had Paul saying to me most of his turns that he was going to "teach me a lesson" because last time we went bowling I won 3 out of 3 games. It was close but Spoony won 2 out of 3 and did a happy dance ^^.

Saturday morning I had my first driving lesson in about 2-3 weeks. I had booked another block of lessons before my test to get used to the new car my driving instructor had and also to go over things. The lesson went pretty well and the new car will take a little bit to get used to but it seems alot easier to drive (didn't stall it once!).

Apart from that not much going on really but I did if anyone noticed (if anyone reads this)that I have removed the comments. That was due to my ex and someone else having a nice little fight between each other, so I took them off.

Errr.....Jam?

2010-02-11T05:37:00.000-08:00

Well my second date last Saturday went well. I met he in St Albans town about 12 and we walked to her's talking as we went. We got to her's and was greated by the dog who was very happy to see everyone and funny thing about the dog was he seemed listen to me more then her heh. We sat and watched DVD in her living room while a fire burned in the fireplace and after awhile we order a big pizza to eat between us. It was a nice day and I ended up going home about half 9.

We texted and talked after that and we set up meeting up again on Tuesday evening as she wanted to do some of her Uni work before I came round. I got to her's about 9 and we talked, she show'd me her Uni work she was doing (law) and I ended up spending the night there as I had the next day off. The next morning she never made it to Uni and I left about 2pm, she had to leave then as she had work but still ended up being late (think I'm a bad influence).

Since I'll be on my own till Tuesday, she will be coming round mine tonight. I'm planning to cook her a nice dinner and then maybe watch a film or two. Looks like I have a new girl now.

Sit back and let the world sort it out.

2010-02-05T05:15:00.000-08:00

Well I've been speaking to my date since last Thursday and we have set up another date. At first it was set for Sunday after she'd finished work and we were going to go bowling at but then she said she might be too tired and changed it to watching a film. Only problem then was finding a film and a time to see it, as she lives in the town over and we both dont drive (thats my lil way saying I didn't pass my test). So we needed to find a film between 7-8pm but there are like none, had a kids one at 7:50, Avatar at 8 (which we have both seen) and some "rom-com" on at 8:10.

While talking to her and finding we both normally have Saturday off we changed the date to Saturday. Then came the "what to do" moment, do we watch a film, go bowling or both? Since she didn't know my town she was going to get a bus to the town centre and then a cab up to Jarman Park, but I said I'd meet her in town and then we can both get a cab up. After more talks of how far I live from town and how far Jarman's was etc, she text saying how about just get some take out and some DVD's and watch those it seem's alot easier. So now I'm going round her's about lunch time tomorrow to watch some films.

In other news, we had a meeting on Monday and we could be all out of a job (well my office). They said they are going to see what we do and then see if it needs to stay at headoffice or get moved at to our call centres and since then the atmosphere at work has been bleak. I'm not really fussed, I wanted to leave here in a few months to go on my trip and now I can just sit back and have it done for me. Plue side to that is when I got to an interview and they ask why I left my last job I can say "I was redundant because they outsourced my office" instead of "I got bored so i left".

Nights out

2010-01-31T05:20:00.001-08:00

Friday-Saturday

Well we had plans to go from work to the pub and then off to other places but by the time it got to Friday it got scaled down a bit. A few of the guys from work had dropped out and the ones still going wanted to go home first, so we choice to meet up at the pub at seven.

I got to the pub about ten past seven, got my first drink and then looked around to find only one person was here so far (glad I didn't aim to get there for seven). We chatted about games and things and more people started to turn up, we started doing rounds and then it got to my round and I upped the stakes. I got shots of Samboker and a Jager Bomb for everone, came back to the table and said goodbye to everyone as that was the beginning of the end. The night went on with more drinks and joking about, showed people my hat trick until a boncer took it off me for the rest of the night.

No idea what time we left the pub but we stayed there until it closed and I called a cab while walking down the side of the road with two of the guys and got the cab driver to come pick us up from the side of the road heh. When I got back to mine I almost freaked out as I couldn't find my wallet and I must of checked every pocket about three times until it magically appeared in one of them. I got in, got some water, went up stairs and then went to the loo to be sick and thats as much as I remeber.......At some point I was upgraded from the loo to a bucket as I woke up in bed hugging it. The morning after was a slow going at first, wasn't sure what my tummy was up to, my leg killed (I remebered I had cramp in my leg during the night really bad) and I was also verrryyy dehydrated as my mouth kept going dry. So I took some Alka-Seltzer, which made my tummy a little easier to understand and it was very hungry so I got some toast and drank lots of water. Spent the rest of the day recovering in my PJ's and watching some DVDs that had turned up that day. No headach and was only sick when I got home...so not bad going really heh.

Thursday

Well it was a verrrryyy slow day at work and I was nervous about my date, I had no idea which top I was going to wear or anything and I did a very girly thing heh and took photo's with my phone of five tops I like then asked people at work which they liked. Funny thing was I liked one of the tops and I wanted them to pick that and only one person did heh so I went with that one anyway. I was meeting her at 7:30 in St Albans but I don't know the area that well so we were going to meet in the town. I booked the taxi for ten past seven, which would give me enough time and also if he was a few min's late (which the driver was) it wouldn't matter too much. I got to the town centre as half past seven and waited at a bus stop since it was raning and she texted me saying she was in a pub near by, so off I went to see her.

I got to the pub, looked around couldn't spot her and then turned around and she was coming up the steps in the pub. We said "Hi" and found a seat. I'd say the night went well, we talked for about 3 hours. We talked about work, nights out, her uni, family etc. At one point she asked me if I was shy nd I said yes a little she said she noticed as I wasn't making eye contact, so I tried more after that. After awhile of talking she said kiss me, it was a little out of the blue but I couldn't turn a cute girl down now could I?

At the end of the night she said she wasn't sure what to do next (guess she's not been on many dates either) so I asked her did you have fun? She said yes. I said do you want to do this again? She said yes. So I said well there you go then heh

I was a gentlemen I got her her drink, held the door for her and offered to walk her home but she said no it's ok as it's about a 10-15min walk and then I'd have to come back, so I offered to get the cab driver to drop her home on the way and she said it's ok it's kind of her excrise. As we walked to the taxi rank she wrapped her arm round mine and when we got to the cab she was cold (and it was also raining) so she said she'd take the lift home. I opened the door to let her in and closed it behind her and walked round the cab to get in the otherside but she had moved over heh I guess she's never had some do that before. I got in the cab and we went off to her's on the way she was holding her hand and I asked if hands were cold and she said yes, so i held her hand to warm it up and she rested her head on my sholder. When we got to her's we kissed again and then I went home with a big smile heh.

The next day at work I had people asking me how'd it go and when are you going to see her next etc but I didn't know when we would or who should talk first after a date. You hear too many things like wait three days or don't do anything make her make the first move, so I was unsure of what to do next really.....But then she texted me the next night asking saying she had got there ok (she was going up to Scotland for a wedding) and asking how I was, but it was the text Saturday that got me (in a good way) it said: "Ops! Glad someone had fun. The weather up here is nightmare. I can't wait to get back really looking forward to seeing you again :) x x x". Since then I've been nothing but happy and smiles heh ^^.

Little update

2010-01-27T02:49:00.000-08:00

Well today is my last driving lession before my test next week (granted i'll have a little lession before the test). I'm not sure yet how I feel about it yet, but I did OK on the mock driving test last week, I got 11 minors (it's 15 for a fail) and 1 major which is a fail. The major was about five minutes in and I knew I'd done it as soon as I had, so as long as I don't do that again I should be fine.

We are doing (people from work) a karaoke night up in London on the 20th of Feb. We're getting a room for three hours to sing and mess around, I'm not sure yet if I'm going to sing or not.....I guess depends how I feel on that night or if they have any songs I like etc AND I might even record it if I do sing!

Oh and I'm going out this Thursday and Friday night. Friday I'll be out with the guys from working starting in a pub after work and then we're not sure where we will end up after that, might be staying in Hemel or moving on to St Albans we're not sure yet but it's looking like it'll be a good night with the people who are coming. Thursday night i'll be in St Albans having drinks with a lady while we talk and get to know each other. I'm looking forward to it but also a little nervous.....I mean it's my 1st first date in years. God what am I going to wear for it....

Fuck it!

2010-01-17T21:01:00.000-08:00

There comes a point in every break up/heart break when you can only take so much! I did a really rrrrreaaaaalllly stupid thing of talk to my Ex. I just wondered how she was I said I still hurt and things but I thought I'd at least try.

So this is what happened:

I was a chore? I did what ever she wanted, got her anything and I was the fucking chore??! Also nice to know after wanting to have my own place with her for years and getting told "good things come to those who wait" and crap like that she's more or less living with this guy after....3 months? Nice how she rubbed that bit in my face "spend all my time round his" wow thanks....really wanted to know that.

Used, lead on for all that time? Seems like it! Spoony has now got to that point where you get angry! Oh yeah I got fucking motivation now!

New Year happy tank ran out of gas.

2010-01-16T11:09:00.000-08:00

Happy 2010!

2010-01-03T03:24:00.000-08:00

Well I hope everyone had a good Christmas and a nice New Years. My Christmas was ok I guess but didn't feel like Christmas at all.....normally I wake up early all excited and opening up the prezzies in the stocking and then I go wake up everyone else up. Once eveyone is up I make them open stuff!! I love the giving part of Christmas and me keeping a secret about what I got people is really hard to they have to open them asap! Then after all the prezzies to close family our opened (parents&brother) normally disapper in to my room for awhile to check out me new things, try a game etc. Thats how my Christmas used to be....this year I wake up/got woken up about 11am something, layed in bed lisening to my parents, my brother, his girlfriend and her daughter all laughing. After awhile I got up went to the bathroom, spent awhile just staring at myself in the mirror and then had a shower. After getting washed and dressed I came down to everyone more or less already opened all their prezzies and I just sat on the stairs (no real room for me of the sofas) while they all talked and I got handed things to open. I didn't wrap any prezzies either so I just asked people to close their eyes while I handed them stuff. Christmas just didn't feel the same this year it was just a day off work for me...

I did get some nice bits. I had asked for money and I got about....£140 I can't remeber, a film (The Hangover), a DS game (new zelda game), music (MJ's This Is It), cloths, weird gadget things (mini helicopter) oh and some lego. After a little while my brothers girlfriend and her daughter left to go spend time with her family and my brother stayed with us for dinner.

My brother left a little while after dinner which was a let down I had planned to play a game with him. He was tired due to him getting stuck in London the night before and having to crash round a work mates house, so he went and I took all me prezzies up to my room and that was my Christmas really. Not too bad I guess.

Films

After Christmas I went to see two films and I think both were good first one I went to see was Sherlock Holmes. I would of seen this on boxing day (day after Christmas) when it came out but I was working (also why Christmas felt just like a day off) so I went on the 27th to see it as I got two days off! wow....lucky me. Sherlock Holmes was good it was darker then your normal sophisticated Holmes and I think Robert Downey Jr played him well.

After that I went to see Avatar on New Years eve as I got out of work at 1pm. Avatar was just great I wish I had seen the 3D ver of it as the visuals of it were just...wow really. It was also a love story which I'm a sucker for and after it was left wondering will I ever find someone. On the way home I looked up and saw the full moon and as I looked I wondered is she looking at the moon as well as I look at it? Is she trying to find me as I try to find her? Who knows...

New Years

Nope did nothing for New Years. Stayed at home, watch some films and chatted to people online. I also did a ritual in the full moon (first for me) so I could recognize my true love and I did this yearly thing with my Mum at midnight. She opens the back door letting the old year out then I open the front door to letting the new year in.

I have also this year set myself some goals:

1. Learn to drive (test is on the 3rd of Feb).

2. Start planning out my trip in more detail.

3. Start my workout plan again (kind of stopped due to depression).

4. Get ideas down for a book and start it.

5. Learn a new language.

6. Go on trip!

After trip:

7. Get my own place.

8. Learn the piano.

9. Finish book and try and get it published.

10. Do a 3D animation course.

11. Get a job doing something I love.

12. Be happy.

I guess that's really plans for a year+ but I at least have some ideas down as to what I want to do or aim to do.

Well that's it for now and I will at some point promise to update with those pic's I keep saying I will do!

You take the good, you take the bad and the bad wins!

2009-12-13T07:28:00.000-08:00

Everytime I think I'm doing better or I have a few good days the bad days come back with a vengeance. I can see why Christmas is as much the worset time of year for people as it is good, it's not like I ever got to spent it with my Ex as much as I wanted to (in a way I'm glad it's not tainted with a memory) but at least she was there in a way. Now it just looks that much worse with people being all happy and being with the people they love/care about etc. My parents will have each other and my brother will have his girlfriend and I have nothing....Oh I have my family yes as people like to point out but it's not the same as having someone you care about being with you.

Talking to people they have said about maybe doing volunteer or something to make me feel better, that or counseling due to this not only being the festive season but also the suicide season and I be lying if I said I hadn't come close to it....But I'm going to see if I can do this on my own first with some help from friends before resulting to counseling and/or "happy pills".

Other News

I had a works Christmas party on the 4th. Start of the night was a bit meh but got better at the end as spent it dancing about till 1am and I have piccys to show you of that! I passed my driving theory test on the 9th YAY! My driving test is set around the end of Jan.

I really need to a do a piccy/video update on here as I always say I have some to show you all, maybe when I get home from work.

Ju-on: The Grudge and more!

2009-12-01T05:37:00.000-08:00

Well I've been talking to my friend Shury(or mew) about scary films and such and she has been bugging me for awhile to watch some. I'd say I don't mind most films but psychological horror films really...just mess with my head >.< and having a vivid imagination it normally means I will be having a hard time sleeping for awhile etc.

Shury came up with this list of films I should watch: Paranormal Activity and The Grudge films also after watching those to then play the Wii game of The Grudge and film myself. I finally gave in and watch Paranormal Activity, the film reminded me in part of the Blair Witch (that kept me up) and they did have some eerie moments mainly at night. But overall I spent most of the film thinking why are they doing this and are they going to call said "demon expert"? But no they didn't call him and yes they did stupid things and oh look....your dead now...wow. I'd say it had it's moment but meh I'd I've done things a hell of a lot differently.

After that I moved on the The Grudge (US remake)I think this was just hyped up a lot by watching clips on youtube and Shury saying about the film. It was an OK film (had one "why?" moment when the detective went to go burn the house down but before he get's started goes to find out what that sound is?? An get's killed) but also being a US remake they killed most of the horror things the original film had. I then moved on to play the Wii game and I wasn't looking forward to it to walk around the house from The Grudge or some empty warehouse etc with just a flashlight and.....er yeah just a flashlight, I set my webcam up to record and played the game for the first time! I'd say I made it through the game fine ^^ not like some of the people you see on Youtube screaming like girls and when I can get the film uploaded I'll show you all. I've since got hold of the original film of The Grudge and The grudge 2&3 so I'll be watching those soon and hopefully wont be jibbering in the corner after

The voice of Bugman!

2009-11-30T05:57:00.000-08:00

Sooo I have this good friend who is doing a 3D graphics design course and she is making a short at the moment about Bugman (the char she has made) going trick or treating and I said I'd help etc if I could....An I've ended up doing the voice for Bugman the main char in her short! Has been fun so far and trying to giggle and things which I don't but in the end it work out good so far ^^ now she just has to put it all together.

Kiwi

2009-11-30T05:44:00.000-08:00

Now I've known Kiwi for like 7-8 year's around the same amount of time as I've known my Ex as we all met on PSO (Phantasy Star Online) on the Dreamcast. But for all those year's I've never met the guy so I planned to go see the guy and on Friday the 13th (dun dun dunnnn!!) and come back on Sunday. The train ride up with like 5-6 hour's as it's almost in Scotland where he lives (Maryport).

I finally got to Carlisle and meet up with Kiwi and then we got the train over to Maryport and then a cab to his house, we talked and I got my stuff ready for going out that night. His mates came round and me and Kiwi had our hats on! (piccys to come) and we all got in the cab to Cockermouth (which if any of you follow the news etc is now underwater) we went to a pub first that Kiwi's girl worked in and got a few drinks and then moved to another pub and had some more...and again. I show'd the lads how to drink and had a laugh ^^ granted I kind of over did the drinking and did make it back to Kiwi's before being sick (in the loo that is) after which I some manged to get to my bed and then pass out....

I woke up the next morning staring at the curtins....not sure how I got to sleep since I was expecting a fun night of spinOroom, I went down stairs and everyone was up and about and Kiwi wasn't feeling to great but I was fine (got to love no hang overs!) we sat and chatted about then he went to try his laptop on the TV downstairs but it didnt work so he took it to get looked at and I went back upstairs and feel back to sleep for a few hours (did get up at like 8-9am). I woke up around...3pm and got watched and came downstairs Kiwi was still downstairs, his girl had gone home but he had also fallen asleep on the sofa. We chatted and opted out for going out again that night in exchange for getting some pizzas in and watching some films, we watched Final Fantasy VII Advent Children and Resident Evil Degeneration...soon after that we went to sleep.

The next day I got packed up had some breakfast etc and Kiwi's girlfriend took us to Carlisle, I said my goodbyes and got on the 5-6 hour train back to mine.

This was a fine trip the only part was coming home...it was the same train I got back from my Ex's and when it stopped at her station I really wanted to text her to say I was there and did she want to come talk. But I sat there thinking...why would she, she doesn't feel what I do for her. The rest of the trip was a little depressing after that.

Yes! I am still alive.

2009-11-30T05:42:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of update for the one of two people that read this =p

Woburn

Well I went on the 7th of this month to Woburn safri park and xmas fair with my family, aunt and her kids also it was Kashmera's birthday the day before so it was kind of a treat for her as well (as well as her trying to con stuff out of everyone). We started out early to get to my aunt's, her oldest opted out for coming since it was too early and she was still in her PJ's so Kasmera come with us and her youngest went with her.

The safri park was nice and I have some photo's for you all to seeee!

Also while going round the park I had this odd feeling that I had done this before.....but I couldn't think of when as it all looked familer. After the safri park we went to the xmas fair and parked near the front and got out and as everyone went to the loo and I stood with Kashmera waiting. It then hit me that I'd been here with my Ex and that just put a damper on the day for me. Not that it was a bad day with her or anything it's just finding something that I've not already shared/done with her, considering I thought we were going to be spend the rest of our lives togther etc just a little depressing to be reminded of what once was.

Well apart from feeling a lil down for the day it was a good day out got some weird fruit things in a bag, shot arrows at a target, fed some parrots, brought a nice painting and kept an eye on Kashmera for the day as she ran about and made a clay pot and did other bits that were around (she beat me on the shooting range with the bow&arrows). After a long day there we headed home but the day wasn't over since it was her birthday I was taking Kashmera out bowling with Paul like we normally do and since Paul now worked as a secruity guard up at the place we got all three games for free!

Bowling it was a good night for me xD! As I ended up winning all three games and beating Paul on one of the games by 1 pin! Which was very lucky as I managed to get a spare on the last frame which gave me an extra frame and I knocked 9 down on that getting me 1 more then him xD! After bowling we did our normal Pizzahut run and then went home.

Week off

2009-11-03T05:51:00.000-08:00

Well I had last week off. I had originally set the week aside to be off for my Ex(Well she wasn't when I had booked it) since this is around the time her Dad died last year, so I could be around if she needed me. But since she left me and now has someone else I'm not really needed to comfort her etc.

So instead I just tried to have a relaxing week after the 3-4 month's of fun I've had dealing with this whole thing. But I did have some stuff planned for that week. Wednesday I was going to see the Michael Jackson film "This Is It" due to having brough tickets to the concert that never happened and then later that day go out for a drink and a curry for a work friends leaving party. Thursday I had a driving lesson in the morning/light for a change which would be nice since this time of year all my lessons after work have been in the dark. Friday I had my driving theory test booked as well as PCJ's leaving presentation at work.

Wednesday.

I would say I'm a fan of Michael Jackson and when I found ut about the concert I had to get tickets! I mean it would be my last/only chance to ever see him preform. But that never came to be as everyone/most people by know now he died before the show dates. What was left however thanks to the people on set while he was rehearsing for the shows is a recording of him rehearsing. This is him singing and dancing to some of his best songs as well as showing you all the work that was going in to this show. They had all new video clips to go with some of the songs like a black and white film clip for the start of smooth criminal, a grave yard 3D sence for the start of thriller, as well as some others. All the work etc that went in to it, it would of been a great show to have seen in concert and I'm glad I went and watched it. Also there are talks about this film winning an Oscar.

Later on Wednesday I got ready to go out to PCJ's leaving party with some people from work. We met down a pub in the old town and had a few drinks and a laugh before moving on to the curry house where everyone else was waiting. It was a funny night with PCJ getting so very verrry drunk that he didn't know what was going on and was asking half question to the staff and everyone else like "What do you think of..." with me going "Paul what do we think about what?". He also got drinks and didn't know they were his and asked a few times then drunk it anyways and at the end of the night when we tried to kind of run away but we managed to get him in to the car and on his way home in the end. I later found out he was still drunk the next day! He came in late for work stayed there for about 10mins and then went home....but really what could they do? Fire him? Hehe

Thursday

After a total of 17 vodkas shots (doubles and singles with coke and wasn't really that drunk if at all the night before) and a curry the next morning my tummy wasn't feeling all too good and I had a driving lesson that day. After some "loo" time I felt a bit better but warned my driving instructor that I wasn't feeling all too good and I might just got for an hour lesson instead of two. I did manage the whole two hour lesson but that was with a few stops for a break and also to grab a drink. Granted it was a nice change to do the lesson during the daylight for a change.

Friday

I got up super early like 6am something as my driving theory test was at 8:30am in Watford. I'd been going over my theory textbook etc testing myself on the questions in it while I waited and chatted to people on MSN as it was faaaarrr to early to leave yet. I got the train to Watford and still ended up being about 45mins early so I sat outside the building with my iPod on and waited. While waited a few people turned up as well all waiting to do their test as well. At about 8:15am they opened the doors and we all went in. The test had two parts (well now it does it never used to also the pass mark was lower). You have 50 multi choice questions and you need to get 43 out of the 50 to pass that and then you have the hazzard test which is 14 POV video clips of someone driving and you have to click the mouse when you see a hazzards or something that could become one. You need to score 44 out of 75 to pass that but you need to pass both to pass the theory. I had a feeling I might and I did! I failed....But by two points...meh I got 41 out of 50. On the Plus side I did fine on the second part I got 52 out of 75 but since I needed both to pass it didn't really matter. Now I just need to work out a date to redo my test.

After getting back home I had about and hour to kill then I was off to work for PCJ's leaving presentation. Also I had forgotten works Halloween thing was on in the office, so people were in fancy dress etc. Not sure how I forgot since it was my idea heh was just another reason to get an outfit and dress up but never mind....I'm sure I can come up with another reason ^^. PCJ got a leaving card a few bottles of booze and did a little speach etc and after I said bye to him and to email about going out some time and left and went back home.

Wan't a bad week off, I did some stuff granted not all of what I wanted to do but at least I didn't stay at home all week in my PJ's (which makes a change). The only other thing to add is that I managed to say "No" to my Ex! Ok to some people that might not seem like much but when your with someone of course you want to help them and stuff but when you break up and you still have feelings for that person...you still want to help them when they ask you, you still want to be there for them but they dont feel the same, they aren't yours anymore and it's not up to you to make them happy etc. Plus the fact she is seeing some guy/has a boyfriend now, she should be asking them. Ok if it was something urgent/very important then I'd help her but I'm not her go to guy anymore, she has someone else.

Here's what happened. Do you remeber reading (if not it's on an earlier post) about her asking me for the serial code for MS Word? That was about two months or so ago and yes I got it for her, no questions asked and after I got it for her and text her telling her I got zero reply....I text a few times asking does she need it, I take it you not longer want the code then and still nothing. Around three weeks I found the code again and since she never replied or asked about it again I got rid of it since I had no use for it and thats what she asked for again. Here is the MSN convo between us (I didn't think to take a screenshot of it but this is a copy of the whole convo):

??? says:
Hello
Spoonykipper says:
ello
??? says:
*did u manGE TO FIND A CODE FOR WORD?
Spoonykipper says:
*i did have
??? says:
*dont u have it now
Spoonykipper says:
*nope since you didnt seem intrested when I said I had it how ever long ago it was
??? says:
*can u get it for me
*if u dont mind
Spoonykipper says:
*you have someone to ask now you dont need to ask me
??? says:
*who am i gona ask
Spoonykipper says:
*guy your seeing/ b.f etc
??? says:
*so i cant ask u for stuf?
*or ask for u
*for help?
Spoonykipper says:
*Not at the moment no. I'm not your go to guy anymore
Unless it's something urgent

I mean that all in a nice way dispite how it might come accross and how ever much I would like to help you, your not mine
??? says:
*so u cant help just bcus wernot 2gether?
Spoonykipper says:
*i still have feelings for you...
??? says:
*sou cant help
Spoonykipper says:
**sigh* sorry but no
??? says:
*fair nuff
Spoonykipper says:
*sorry
??? says:
*sure u r
Spoonykipper says:
*you think this is easy?

As you can see from the convo, it's not like I was an ass or anything about this was I? I tried to say it in a nice way that I couldn't do it and the reasons behind it.

Friday Night & Hat Power!

2009-10-25T11:15:00.000-07:00

After Mondays trip to the Theme Park and having a pretty much sucky week at work I was sooo tried and so looking forward to next week as I have it off YAY!

But as tired as I was by Friday when I got home, I knew Pete wanted to go out and I didn't want to let him down so to hell with it I'd go out. At least I could vodka&Red Bull it up (or Vodka&Monster since some places have stopped doing Red Bull). Pete came round bring the DVD of us on The Saw ride since the copy I had brought was nicely blank...best £10 spent ever. I got changed, stuck on my hat and then we got a cab down to the town. We went in to our normal pub down town and got a few drinks and waited for people to start turning up, they did we chatted, laughed and got some more drinks....Oh and had some random guy who wanted to arm wrestle me and he won! Kind of knew he was going but then found out he is like an arm wrestling pro hehe so I had no chance.

After that we moved up to Leisure World (place that has cinemas, clubs, bar, bowling, swimming, pool etc) and went to the bar. We got some drinks and some of the guys started playing pool and then they had a funny photo moment and I have one of me.

After that we went in to the club (and I had to take off my hat *sulks*) and I sepnt most of the night dancing about and on the stage. It was going good till I looked around and noticed Pete and everyone had gone so I went and got my hat for the coat room and got a cab home. When I got home I then got texts and phone calls from Pete asking where I was and they had moved to the other club, I then a text asking had I gone home? So I text back saying yes since I didn't know where he and everyone had gone. He said he waved at me at me....I mean really? He waved at me in a club full of people? Hehe thats going realllly work. But never mind it was a OK night and at least i didn't spend £100 on this night out hehe.

Theme Park

2009-10-20T15:33:00.000-07:00

Well my alarm woke me up around 8am like it did every work day but today I wasn't going to work! Woooooo!

But I also had something planned at the Theme Park (the post below). I found out the photo of my Ex that I had been in my wallet for so many years now and wrote of the back of it "Goodbye my love" signed it MJ X and put it back in my wallet one last time.

I got ready grabbed something to eat and then wasn't sure if it was going to rain or not as it looked like it had been, so i took my coat just in case. Pete picked me up and took me to his as he thought a coat was a good idea nd had left his also wanted to pick up his dad's sat nav to get to the Park. When we got to his he started messing with the sat nav and couldn't get it to find the Theme Park and just putting in the name of it didn't seem to work, I said about the postcode but he didn't know what it was but had printed out a map to it. We waited for Paul to pick us all up while Pete looked over the map and I messed about with the sat nav. Paul turned up and we all got in and went to go get Pete's friends Jenny (Who he liked). While on the way to pick her up I googled the Park's address on my mobile and got the postcode for the sat nav. We stopped to get gas and me and Pete changed seats so that when we got Jen he could be in the back with her. We got to her house we all said hi to her and she got in the back with Pete and we started off to the Theme Park.

Since it was a Monday (19th Oct yeah I'm behind on my update) and not a school holiday etc the carpark for the park was pretty empty. The park only cost us £32 but Paul and Jen has vouchers for buy one get one free or half price so it was pretty cheap to get us all in (Jen had three friends coming) we got our tickets and Jen went to wait at the gate for her friends so me, Pete and Paul went in and had a walk around.

Here is some photos and clips of some of the bits around the park:

http://s28.photobucket.com/albums/c216/NemyMJ/?action=view¤t=Saw-2.flv
http://s28.photobucket.com/albums/c216/NemyMJ/?action=view¤t=19102009017.flv
http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c216/NemyMJ/19102009159.jpg
http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c216/NemyMJ/19102009158.jpg
http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c216/NemyMJ/19102009161.jpg
http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c216/NemyMJ/19102009162.jpg
http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c216/NemyMJ/19102009164.jpg

So me, Pete and Paul walked around and found our way to The Saw ride (which in the pics/vid is the one with the vertical drop) but we didn't want to go on it yet as we were waitting for everyone else. So we went on the Samurai as it had a short line for it and was next to the The Saw ride.

Here is a vid of that I found on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSMoBy3PlZk

After that we went back and got Jen and her friends and came back down to The Saw ride but everyone wasn't sure if they wanted to go on that first so we went on the Colosses. Heres a vid of that ride for you as well:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6JQnvRef_M

That was a fun ride to start off on and we went on that twice while we was there and I have a nice photo of me on the ride:

http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c216/NemyMJ/Colossus.jpg

Me taking a nap while on it hehe. After that Colossus we went on The Saw ride and I have two vid's for this.

First one is a POV one show's what it's like on the ride:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0_Sk4uDhEo

Second one is me and Pete on the ride hehe! The ride starts to record you when you stop before the climb to the vertical drop:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Efpa7IM3_iE

Oh and a photo:

http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c216/NemyMJ/Saw.jpg

We went on The Saw ride twice during the day and both times they put us at the front hehe. We did go back for a thrid time but they were closing it down by then.

After that we went on over to Nemesis Inferno. Can't seem to find a good POV vid this one thats starts from the start, they all seem to be of just before the climb and loop part:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtmW5Pjy08g&feature=PlayList&p=EA821F77FEE2279C&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=7

And the photo:

http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c216/NemyMJ/Nemesis.jpg

We went on Nemesis three times that day and was our last ride of the day.

We went on (well most of us) pretty much all of the extreme rides they had:

Saw
Nemesis
Slammer
X No way out
Colossus
Rush
Samurai
Detonator

Stealth wasn't working that say so we couldn't go on it and Tidal Wave we missed out on due to it being pretty cold we didn't want to be soaking wet. Out of everything the only one I didn't go on was Detonator as all it did was take you up X amount and then drop you. Like so:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8d0OmN8pyyc

Didn't really seem that intresting to me next to everything else we'd be on.

During our trip round and going on rides and bit's we stopped and got a KFC amd after I ate mine I had a little walk around and was thinking of where I could put the photo I had in my wallet of my Ex. I saw a few spots with flowers around the path but for such a simple thing as say goodbye to a photo....I just didn't want to yet.

We went on more rides and due to it coming up to Halloween they had Fright Night. Fright Nights are mazes which can be dark, gloomy or full of strobe lights and other stuff which is kind of disorientating. When in the maze you are in a line with your hands on the person in front if you who then leads you round the maze. While going round people jump out at you, grab you leg or touch your hair and stuff to freak you out. This Park had four of them and we went on them all and due to no one wanting to step up I was leader on the first maze. An for me they all were pretty good not that scaery since you kind of had any idea of what was going to happen but as I walked them round I could hear the girls screaming behind me and some of the guys saying "Shit" and "something grabbed my leg". On the others ones the other guys were made to go first due to them not stepping up on the first one, so I got to hang back and steer on two of the other mazes (I was second). Which was kind of lucky as I got to steer one guy from walking in to a walls and showing him what way to go and the other time I was second I did the same while point out where people were going to jump out from....not that help much as they still jumped. The end of one of the was fun as you came through a door way there was this women in the corner sittign with a chainsaw with it going and as you walked past and down the corridor she got up and starting revving the chainsaw and following us (that was right at the end of that maze) also made sence why some people had run out of that maze hehe.

While we was walking all over to the Fright Night mazes they all stopped for a loo break but I didn't need to go so I went for a lil walk and found a nice big rock to sit on near some plants and flowers. I took my photo out of my Ex, dug a little hole near the flowers, kissed the photo of her goodbye and i buried it with my love for her there.

After all the mazes and one last ride on Nemesis the Park was closing so we headed to the car. We spent the whole day there around 12-13 hours...god I was tired when I got home and I also felt like I was still on a ride as it felt like I was moving or the room was (kind of like when your drunk). But all in all it was a great day and I had fun.

It will all come full circle

2009-10-18T15:50:00.000-07:00

It's funny when I say that this chapter in my life was closed but it's really closing today. If any of you have read the start of this blog they'll know about this but for the people that haven't yet or can't remeber i'll go over a little bit about it.

When I first told my Ex how I felt about her she was going on a double date at a theme park and I said if she liked he I'd back down but she spent the whole day thinking about me and after that she knew she wanted to be with me as she loved me. Today I'm going to that theme park the place in a way it all started and is where it will end. She found her love for me there and it's where I'll leave my love for her.

I found in my wallet the picture I've had of her for years still in there, I thought I had taken it out but it was hidden. I'm going to take it today and in that place where it all began I will say goodbye to her and leave that picture there with all my love, feelings and everything else I have for her.

It will come full circle.

At least my next post will be more fun with stuff I got up to at the theme park. I'm going with Pete, this girl he like's and her friend and I've never met them before. Soooo I'm not sure how it's going to go but I'll let you all know ^^

The only thing left is to fight on!

2009-10-17T10:09:00.000-07:00

Well I had a bit of set back moving on...Kept thinking about my Ex and things and wondering if we'll ever get back together if there was some chance. Well she came on msn today and I was talking to her then went it to how I felt etc.

She said she didn't feel that way anymore and we talked some more and I said about some of the things I missed about her. An then she said she was seeing someone...I knew it was only a matter of time she's very attractive woman and crazy personality, I didn't expect her to be single forever but it's still hurt like a bitch.

We talked some more and then she said bye and signed out and even though it hurts right now I'm kind of glad in a way I mean she's moved on she's seeing someone, there is nothing left for me but to move on.

A chapter in my life has closed and I have to let it go.

Saturday Night & Random Things

2009-10-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

Well me, Paul and Kashmiraa went out on Saturday bowling and stuff again. It was a good night, we played three games of bowling and I won one of them with Paul winning the othet two. But I got Kashmiraa a medal for bowling and then we went and played some pool.
Pool, I was my normal bad self and by bad I mean total crap but I did win one game Vs Kashmiraa but she is like ten years old...so yeah..
After that Kashmiraa went on the Dance Dance thingy game game again but I didn't get dragged on to play YAY!
After that we all went and grabbed some pizza and went home. All in all was a fun night and have some piccys from it as Paul took his camera which i'll try and update at some point.

Random Things

Being a gamer and all I like to...well play games. One time my brother got us a press pass to this games conversation in London. Being press we got some nice free bits but the cool stuff we had to of booked up before coming but never mind. One of the thing they had was Resident Evil 2 on the N64 playing (yes it was so many years ago) and being a Res Evil fan I had a go of it but then was dragged off to see other stuff. For some reason I was thinking about it the other day and it's one of my weird regrets. I could of finished that game no problem and doing it at games conversation how funny/great would that of been have people crowd round me as I run through the whole of the game.

I failed in the getting over of my Ex by texter her saying "I miss you and want you back". Also the other day while cooking I thought I'm never going to have her cook for me again and then I'm going to miss it. Ok I used to joke about her sticky rice since she always had trouble with the rice but I always liked her food.

Driving today I hit the curb again! This time going round a corner and turning a bit too soon, I swear the curbs are just out to get me!. But on a plus side I have a date for my driving theory test which is the Friday the 30th of Oct. I just need to keep revising for it and hopefully I'll pass.

A Work Birthday Night Out

2009-10-09T05:28:00.000-07:00

So I went out last night to Amys birthday do. We were all going to Aroma Kitchen which is a place that does a chinese food buffet. I got home had a shower, did my hair and got ready for a night out since I had the idea since it's her birthday and like most birthdays it would be a meal plus a night out. An I was wrong....I got there about 7 and everyone was still waiting outside for people to turn up. We stood around for a little bit while people smoked but it turned out due to payday being in a few days that most people didn't want to do anything else.

The conversation....was well you go out with work people and they talked about work. I know thats what we all have in common but saying about who works more then others and not sure why other people still have a job when they do nothing etc isen't that intresting. I felt a bit out of place that night as some of the girls were grouped down one end, had Tim and his girlfriend down the other and other people seem to have grouped and chatting and I was kind of in the middle to myself but I did have Deny to chat to now and then. I did try and join in with the chats but since it was all bitching about other people at work I did really want to stay out of it, well most of the time. But I did find it funny people saying someone was twofaced and a backstabber when they were sitting around bitching about that person.

Food was good and I went up for three plate fulls before calling it quits (I hadn't eatten much that day saving for the yummy chinese). After we had paid and left me, Deny, Lewis, Tim and his girlfriend went to the pub. I was kind of disapointed that none of the other went but meh what can you do. We got to the pub and I got a round of drinks for everyone and we spent the night talking about pretty much the same thing but I joined in since we had moved on to managers (I mean who doesn't hate their bosses?) but we had some good laughs, also talked about them screwing up all the teams in the office (they moved us all around AGAIN) and just other crazy stuff.

After we was done Deny drove me, Tim and his girlfriend home (Lewis had left earlir to catch his bus home)we chatted in the car about music and some bits until Tim and girlfriend had been dropped off then me and Deny got on to the nice conversation about Ex's. It's always nice to talk to someone and have them know what you've going through etc and has been there done that kind of thing. Then we got back to bitching about co workers hehe.

But all in all it was a pretty good night. I was expecting a little more in the go out have fun part but we had fun and I guess it saved me some money which is always good since I'm trying to save for my trip.

Social life up....money down

2009-10-07T05:32:00.000-07:00

Well as you know I went out on Saturday (and if not it's posted below). I spent about £100 on that night, I'm going out tomorrow night for Amy@works birthday and that will be £13 for the meal and whatever else on top of that for the night out....I've already paid £20 deposit for the xmas party and need to pay another £13 for the rest of that (and also whatever i'll spend on that night as well) annnnnnd going out bowling again on Saturday. Oh I've also spent around £200 for suit and things for the xmas party...

So much for trying to save up...Oh well I'm not going away till about July/August time next year so I should have something put aside by then.

Night Out

2009-10-03T19:58:00.000-07:00

Well it was a pretty good night out, I went out wearing a hat to push a way from the norm....I like hats but for some reason people just don't wear them anymore or give people funny looks with them. So this is me before I left last night.

I got picked up by Pete and taken round his friends house. I knew his friends from awhile back but hadn't been out with him for ages and he was also with another one of his friends that I knew. We chatted and had a laugh before calling a cab to take us to Watford. Pete was sure I'd lose my hat by the end of the night and also said I shouldn't wear it but meh to him I liked it!

The cab came and we was taken to Watford town centre and went to about 3 pubs and had some drinks. The first bar we went to had a girl who was on her 21st birthday party with her friends and they said they loved my hat and they wore it and took some photo's of me with them. They also said did I have any Michael Jackson moves to go with the hat? So I then did the moonwalk for them which they all loved. We moved on and had a drink in another pub which didn't let me wear my hat (didn't stay there long) and then another which did let me wear it so we got a few rounds in there. At this point Pete and Paul was a bit drunk and went off and left me an Dave, Dave had gone to the loo and I was standing around waiting for him.

Right due to my uncle being a security guard and having done the test etc I had some idea of how it worked, if you have been black listed for the night there was no way you was getting in anywhere....Pete was drunk and got turned down trying to get in to a pub and we told him that was it for the night he wasn't going to get in anywhere else but he wanted to try. He got turned down to getting in the club and then a pub so we said just leave it Pete. At this point Pete and Paul walked off....I'm not sure where they went and me and Dave thought maybe we should go back to Hemel.

We went to the train station, got a ticket and found out the train was going to be in about 30-40mins. So we got a cab back to Hemel and since we was still in the party mood we went to a pub in the town. When we got there we found a few people we knew in the pub and got another drink each and had a chat/laugh with the people we knew before they said about moving up to the club. I was all ready for it since after a few drinks im in the dancing mood.

We got to the club around 1am and went in, got a drink and then I hit the dance floor! With the power of the hat lol I danced the night away. I have no idea what happened to everyone else I was just dancing and ended up on my own but I didn't care I was happy ^^. I also went for the fricking golden/holy grail and
asked a bar staff member out in the club, turned out she has a b/f (which I thought she might) but I still asked her! Yay me lol. I danced etc untill the club closed (around 3am) then got a cab home and here I am. All in all a pretty good night, got my mind off things and I had some fun.

Screw you subconscience!

2009-10-03T09:36:00.001-07:00

Well I'm going out tonight in Watford with my friend Pete and some of his friends and was all set for a fun night out. But to mess with my head again last night was my subconscience....Dreams of my Ex (had a few as far as I remeber) and about getting back with her again, which left me wondering will we ever? Does she ever think of me that way, will she ever want to try and go on a date sometime etc.

Maybe once I'm out I've had a drink or two, chatted and had a laugh I'll forget for awhile. At least I'm fighting the urge to pick up the phone and tell her how I feel, which is a plus for me a guess.

Well off to get ready to go out.

Reflections, regrets & the art of curbs

2009-10-01T16:14:00.000-07:00

I was speaking to someone the other day and it got on to the subject of my Ex. They said it shouldnt matter what happens as long as you have no regrets about it....so I thought for a bit then said but I do.

I regret all the silly arguments we had over nothing.

I regret all the stupid things I did and hurt her.

I also wonder if it would of made an difference if some of those didn't happen or would we have ended anyway. Funny thing is makes me think of a sence from the Matrix (go go geek power)

Oracle: I'd ask you to sit down, but, you're not going to anyway. And don't worry about the vase.
Neo: What vase?
[Neo turns to look for a vase, and as he does, he knocks over a vase of flowers, which shatters on the floor]
Oracle: That vase.
Neo: I'm sorry...
Oracle: I said don't worry about it. I'll get one of my kids to fix it.
Neo: How did you know?
Oracle: Ohh, what's really going to bake your noodle later on is, would you still have broken it if I hadn't said anything?

But for all the regrets we did have some great times and I always thought we were alot better together in person then when we was miles away and spending time online. I miss spending time with her, doing the silly things I do to make her laugh...i miss her...

Im other news I bonced off the curb again in my driving lession! I was distracted for a min and kind of went left a bit too much and bonced off it. That was also after thinking wow....my drivings coming along ^^ I'm doing OK now. But from the driving instructors notes I'm about half way there at the moment and I have to book up my driving theory test, if I can remeber to.

Only other things at the moment are that Pete has invited me out this Saturday, not sure where to yet. Have a work birthday party next week as well and a works Xmas party in a few months! I'll do an update about that when people know what and where we are all going.

Getting Over It

2009-09-28T10:50:00.001-07:00

Well I feel I'm getting over "her"...it doesn't so much hurt anymore I just miss her alot. Also I don't think she wants to "just be friends", everytime I try and talk/text her I either get one word answers or no reply. It's not like I'm being nasty to her and I've stopped the whole "why did you do this to me" bit.

I just want to talk and be friends like we used to, but it seems she only talks to me like a person now if she wants something (Do I still have her CV on my PC, can I help her with her laptop). Mean I'd love to stay friends and it's also something she said wanted but now I'm not sure if it was just a line you say to people when you break up with them....

"I'm sorry but it's just not working. But we can still be friends? Right?" and then never speak to them again.

I dream a dream that only I can dream

2009-09-24T14:02:00.000-07:00

OK I don't dream much I used to but not really had any for awhile but last night of all people to dream about *sigh* thats right it was my Ex.
It couldn't of been some messed up zombie dream or something noooo I dreamed that she wanted to come back to me. I was a bit set back i mean she hurt me bad etc but I love her so I took her back and was all happy and stuff...

Then after awhile I wake up, I lay there for a min.....god damn it! Fricking dream.

Have no idea why I'd dream that, I know it's something I'd like to happen but I know it's not going to. But why that? Surely my subconscious know it's going to hurt.

Today

I just came back from my Aunt's as it's her birthday soon and was chatting to Cashmera and having fun and getting showm some weird things she liked on youtube. On the way home I put my iPod on and flick the songs till this came on:

(Pussycat Dolls "I Hate This Part")

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xrlt7k90Qgw

The first time I heard this was when me and my Ex was having an odd patch (a few months before it ended). I remeber her putting this on in the car and me listening to the words....I always wondered if this was some kind of hint.

Now I can't listen to this song with out thinking about her and if that was her way of saying something....I need to take it off my iPod.

Nights Out

2009-09-20T15:42:00.001-07:00

Well...as you can see below on Friday I came back home abit drunk. Friday night was pretty good. I got a cab downtown, got some cash out and as I went to the pub to meet Pete I saw Paul going in to the same pub (not seen him since I left JJB). So we went in chatted for a bit and Paul and his friend seem to take the piss out of Pete....OK I get joking around with your friends and taking little digs but this was just all aimed at Pete.

After awhile they wanted to leave to go to another pub but we was still drinking so they left us and went on (nice of them). Me and Pete chatted about what we had been up to etc told about my girlfriend leaving me and my plans for next year. He also had someone he liked but was a friend but he didn't know if it could be more as he really like her or would he mess the friendship up. We finished are drinks and went on to the next pub while on the way we talked about life as well what the hell were we going to do etc.

When we got to the next pub where Paul & Co were we order our drinks and sat down, they downed there drinks and left?? Are we like 5 years old now? So we thought screw it and sat in that pub for a few rounds while carrying on the talk about this girl he likes and what if anything he could do about it. We then left for the club, on the way to the cab up there we started chatting to two random guys in the street and they came with us up to the club.

We got to the club, got in and Paul and Co was in there. Granted they kind of spent most if not all the night just standing to the side not dancing or doing anything....which I can never understand why..but anywayys...I was having a few more drinks and could feel myself going with the music and watching a few people in the club on the stage and was thinking about going up on it (I always used to). But then MJ Smooth Criminal came on, they cleared the stage and had a dance on stage with the people that worked there dressed up in outfits from the music video (I love that song anyways). Once they had finished and people could go back on I was on there for more or less the rest of the night!

When it came to closing we all left (Me, Pete and some other random friends of Pete's but nicer) and went and got something to eat then go a cab home.....with Pete almost being sick in the cab and me going "NO Pete! not in the cab it's like a £25 fine if you do!" We got back OK and then as you can see below I had some Aerosmith fun.

Saturday

Well Saturday. I didn't have a hang over but I dont get them anywayyyss (yay me) and I wasn't sick which is always a plus, but I was a little worried about trying to eat anything for awhile just incase. I spent the day relaxing and chatting online until about 5pm (was going out about 6). At that point I thought it might be a good idea....If I got up washed, changed etc since I was still in bed in my PJs. I got up washed, changed and sat downstairs waiting for Paul and Kashmiraa to turn up. Once they got here we left to play bowling and other stuff. It was a fun night, we played 3 frames of bowling with Paul winning all of them and Cashmera doing some very new ways of throwing the bowling ball (some of them worked). After that we played some pool and I won that...which was a shock since I suck at pool. Then Paul and Cashmera did them some airhockey thing (hitting the disk to try and score points) and it was a draw 5 all and then Cashmera made me play one of those dance dance revolution games...ohh yess...I had a go. But it was all fun and I lost like a pro! After that we all went to Pizza Hut and had...well pizza (yes i know they do other things but come on). So all in all was a fun night out ^^

Well that was last weekend for me more or less.

Drunken Kippers & Aerosmith

2009-09-18T19:05:00.000-07:00

Well I just got in about an hour or so ago from my night out with Pete and I'm abit drunk. It was a good night, we had a laugh and I danced about on stage in Jumping Jacks.

I'm still abit hyper (probably due to the vodka & redbulls) and I'm so in the mood to jam to some guitar hero Aerosmith! It took me awhile to find the disk lol and then the wireless thing for the guitar (go go drunken skills). So I'm going to Jam to this then fall asleep!

Have to get up at some point tomorrow as I'm going bowling and stuff woooooo!

The art of stalling & oysters.

2009-09-17T05:30:00.000-07:00

Well I had another driving lesson yesturday. Not sure why but I always feel anxious just before the lesson, I'm fine during it but it's the 30mins before the lesson.

A plus during this weeks lesson I didn't bump the car off the curb! But I can still stall it like a pro. Also I feel like I'm getting a little better at driving, I should really do my theory test.

Last Saturday I went to Woburn Oyster Festival. Heart radio took a snap of me with my Aunts kid's and one of their friends.

http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c216/NemyMJ/WoburnOysterFestival.jpg

It was a good day out, got my mind off things for abit and I had an oyster for the first time....can't say I'm a fan =/. Plus I was looking after one of her kids for most of the day (the little one next to me). Which was a nice change since I'd not really done much family stuff before.

I'm planning to go on a bike ride with her at some point as she doesn't have anyone to go with her, all she can do is go in a circle round her road.

Pirate ducks! and weekend plans!

2009-09-16T06:51:00.000-07:00

Due to my work space being boring, I added some duck power to it!

http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c216/NemyMJ/duckcrew.jpg

Also with my parent's going away I wasn't looking forward to a weekend alone....I didn't want to be all depressed on me own but I had plans for Friday! Work was going to go out skiing and to the pub after so that was something...
But when I came in to work today and asked a few people are they looking forward to Friday....they told me that it had been changed to next month as not many people could go. So there goes my plans for Friday ; ;.

But don't worry I took action!

I texted my friend Pete and asked him if he wanted to go out Friday night, which he did. Also while texting him my uncle Paul text me as well asking if I wanted to go out Saturday bowling and to play some pool. So in the space of about 5mins I had plans for Friday and Saturday O.o.

Go me with a social life lol.

One step forward five steps back...

2009-09-15T10:57:00.000-07:00

I wasn't say I was doing great moving on from girlfriend....I was coping but then I did something stupid.

I ended up on her facebook page (have removed her now) and saw photo's of a night out. Her, her friends and guys. I have no idea if she did anything (Plus the guy that seemed to be with her in most photo's looked like a twat). But seeing them brought a crashing true....she's single, she can do what she want's. I know she's not mine but seeing her out having fun and moving on....it was a freash stab to the heart.

Did I mean nothing at all to her?

I feel like I've just taken a jump back a step in moving on and am hurting all over again.

Trip so far....

2009-09-15T10:54:00.000-07:00

This is my trip so far.

Stage 1:

http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c216/NemyMJ/mapofthegods.jpg

All the black blobs are places I'm going to see since I have friends there. I'll end up in New York

Stage 2:

http://www.trekamerica.com/tours/tn.html#tour-info-1

Once in New York, I plan to do a 64 round trip of the US back to New york again

Spoony's back story

2009-09-15T08:14:00.000-07:00

This is my story and like most it's to do with a girl and my...geek life I guess.

Growing up I always thought I was funny and a laugh to be with and would do stupid things just to get a laugh out of people at school. But this was primary school (Brockswood JMI) or whatever it relates to over in the US. The only problem was when I then became interested in girls, well not at first I remeber Kristy was my first ever kiss but she was from the US and disappered after awhile for ages to come back now and then. But as I got older girls saw me as the fool. I remeber one of the girls I liked at school was Tracy, she wanted nothing to do with and fancied one of the older guys at school...sadly whos name I cant remeber.

That was primary school for me and getting ready for secondery or high school I guess for the US people I thought it would be the same I was going to a new school (J.F.K) with some of my friends it'd be great! Yeah right....the reality of it is coming from a local primary school where you all live fairly close to each other to a hugggee secondery school where you know like three people...out of a thosand? who knows. My secondery school life was....crap I started out acting the fool again only to find out that not many people laughed...you got in to trouble alot and that this could mean you've screw'd up your future since you cant spell and your grammar sucks....like you might of noticed reading this. But back to the topic at hand my first girl I liked in secondry school was
Stacey....but she was my dream girl I guess since I'd always come back to liking her again...I still remeber her phone number. But nothing new again she wouldnt give me the time of day. During the years through secondery school I think I had a thing for most the girls in my form at some point. I was an outcast though I was able to kind of slide if you like in to the popular groups due to the friends I knew at primary school becoming well know, but I was a joke....I remeber people daring girls to snog me...but I wasn't stupid + the fact I could hear them I would turn them down which then became a joke about them at my expense saying
"ha!! he wouldn't kiss you omg he blew you out!!". The idea being that someone like me said no to them. So yeah secondery school wasn't fun.

I did have one good holiday during that time when I met a girl called Grace but it was a holiday thing....I never even kissed her and to this day it haunts me that I never had the balls to do it. I liked her and we wrote to each other for a bit but then kind of drifted apart. I came back with pictures of her which people couldnt believe. Secondery school was depressing and only got worse when my best mate Karl told me about this girl he met on a cruise ship on his holiday and how they almost slept together (lack of condoms). I couldnt believe his luck....but for all my down falls relationship wise I was friends with the girls...I seem to always get stuck in the friend zone an thats how it went for me at scondery school.

College. Ok college in the UK is nothing like the college in the US it's pretty much just another school where you can do part or full time courses for 1-2years+ depending on the level so a foundation course 1 year, intermediate course 1 year, advanced course 2years and then you go to university which...I guess is then like the college you have...in a way. Anyways college...this was a waste of time you went from a whole big school of people to back to 1 class of people...I didn't really like anyone at college girl wise but this was when the internet really started picking up on we spent most of it in the PC lab on a chat site www.dobedo.co.uk when it first came out (now stopped) and people joked about, tricking people in the class pretending to be a girl etc. It was all good fun and games but I got hooked....the fact I could talk to a girl (maybe) and they be in to me was like...a drug I guess I wasn't used to this...I kind of liked this one I got chatting to and we texted now and then but it all ended after a short time. The fact I didn't have my own PC once college was done more or less killed that off for me....for awhile.

After college for 2 years and jobless my brother helped me get a job at GAME (a video game store in the UK) and I shoud note during this time I did offtern have nights out to the pubs/clubs with my friends etc but nothing ever happened, Karl had turned in to some kind of chick magnet and I was...just not one. Working at GAME was fun since I liked games and was a gamer I could at least help people out in the store if they had problems or questions. While working at GAME due to resident evil code Veronica being released on it and me being a res evil fan....I had to buy a dreamcast just so I could play on it....awhile after that something would come along to change my life....I had never played an online game much less an mmo and this was the first console one....oh yes PSO (phantasy star online) my drug was back...I got soo sucked in to this game I just had no social life granted I had a little one before it anyway. But now! I had friends I could smooth talk the ladies (if they really were) and one day I got invited in to a game by a player. I had no idea what that invite would do to my life I mean it was a game invite....She only played on weekends and was a laugh, I remeber one of the first things she said to me was you know im not white and i said...so what? I mean really did it matter? She was fun but I only saw her on weekends as that was the only time she was allowed to play. But me...I was crazy hooked on PSO on it pretty much every night racking up biiiiggg phone bills as this was 56k days phone line for X amount of pence per minute. I also met Jodie/Julie she was...my first online girlfriend and even to me it sounds sad but if you could talk/flirt to girls that you couldnt in real life...you sure as hell take what you can get. She was my first love and yet I never met her...she said she had a boyfriend but loved as both and was torn. While all of this was going on me and the girl who invited me to a game had become good friends and had each others number and would text pretty much every day and I'd tell her about Jodie etc and she couldn't get how you could love someone you've never met (also think I did her head in going on an on about it). But me a Jodie at first was a bit of fun as I'd never had a girl like me like this before but as it went on I fell for her, I wanted her to just me an the idea that I loved her yet she lived with her boyfriend...just I couldnt' take it...so one day I asked her to choose but she couldn't so I walked away. I cant remeber how long it was but I just couldn't take it I went back to her saying I was sorry etc....but she had such a shock in store as well its just going to make everyones day....she was so sad over losing me she went in to the arms of her friend...her best female friend and they got together...she left her boyfriend for her as well?!...what I fucking kick in the teeth! Oh no she couldn't leave her boyfriend for me she couldn't choose between us but another fucking girl! Thats no problem...i was...destroyed even that's a small word for it. I had never known a broken heart before and I just wanted to die....but I had a friend who helped me through it someone to get me past the pain....the girl who invited me to that game

She was there for me and I started to feel something for her as time went on i told her how i felt and she was going on a kind of double date with someone to thrope park (theme park) and I said "Well you know how I feel...if you choose him i'll back away" and she said she spent the whole time thinking of me, she loved me (which was funny coming from someone who said how an you love someone you've never met) but before we could go out we had to meet. At this time I had left GAME and was working in JJB I took a Saturday off work saying I was sick April 26th to go see her and her friends since it was one of her friends birthday so we could go out togther. I remeber sitting at the tran station to go see her...she was 2hrs away by train and I was sitting there near a Nun thinking oh god....I'm going to die. This was the first time I had really gone anywhere on my own and it was to met someone I'd never met before....it was the longest train ride ever...I got to Birmingham Newstreet to find she hadn't even left the house...(great first impression). So I had to sit and wait for her to turn up. When she did my first thought was omg how short is she lol I'd seen a photo but you could really tell from it. I gave her a "Me to You" bear she then took me around Birmingham met some of her friends and she took me to the hotel we was going to stay at and then....left me >.< again great first meeting really. She left me in the room in a place I'd never been before while (I didnt know at the time) she was out getting drunk/drinks round her friends house before we went out. I was sat in the room reading a book with no mobile as the battery had died an I hadn't brought my charger. She got worried about me they got her friends boyfriend to knock and see if I was OK. We chatted and went to get some food. We changed and got ready for the night out and finally was greated with 3 tipsy girls after awhile we left for the club "The Works" on broadsteet in Birmingham. I was kind of shy since this as a new place with new people. As the night went on she lost the use of her legs so I had to help her up and down stairs as she was sooo drunk and after some time we all left to go back to the hotel and back to our rooms....I was spending the night with her...her friend (whos birthday it was) and her boyfriend in the room next door set the tone with her moaning that we could hear her in our room....but it was not to be our night....since she was overly drunk and me having the female exp of...well me (we were both virgins) it just didnt work so I just ended up giving her oral and then we both went to bed (not to say she didn't enjoy herself). The next day we packed our stuff and we headed out I dont remeber much from that day apart from we ended up sitting in a bar waiting till we had to leave so I could get my train just...together playing some gameboy game we just had a connection...when it came finally time to leave I almost cried leaving her...and she had to walk away before she did the same.

Thats how I got my first real girlfriend. It lasted seven years. We had are good times and bad, we had fights and we had fun also during all that I proposed to her. I can't say it was all fun for her due to my zero self confidence I oftern asked why she was with me? I didn't understand why someone like her would be intrested in me. Also due to the distance and not knowing what she saw in me when she went out i got jealous, she never gave me reason to be but I had trust issue's....I did try and work on them but ever now and then it would get the better of me and I'd ask her about her night out, what she did etc. I don't know why....but I really did try and work on it for her.

Two months ago this year (2009) it all ended...to her it was just over she didn't feel the same way but left it for awhile to see if it would come back but it didn't all i know is she got distant and wanted I then to spend more time with her which led to her calling my clingy...(we only saw each other ever two weeks or so for a day or two normally) which then led to us being on a break...to us breaking up. She being the one that had lost whatever she had felt had no problem with this....me on the other hand had just been stabbed in the heart. I loved her and while writing this still love her and couldn't get how she could end this so easily after seven years....but one of the things she told me was that I had no drive to do anything and she was fed up as well with how I was and I had to work on myself. So as a ditch attempted to change for her I booked driving lessions and was going to find my own place once I could drive...but it was too little to late....she didn't wanted to know anymore. I felt pain like no other and still do as I type this I wanted to get out of my house with all the memorys of her everywhere...how do you go back to normal if thats all you've known for seven years from the age of 19 to 27. As you can imagine it's not easy....I thought about moving to the US...I just wanted to escape but then I had no idea how I'd do that since I'd need a job and a place over there before I moved. So after talking to a friend they said why not just travel round the US? So i gave it some thought and thought why not? She said I had no drive well i'd show her (even though her saying that, she's been stuck at a job shes hated for years and not done much about it). So I got planning, asked people I knew in the US if I could stay with them and it started to come together.

I hope the pain stops
I hope this trip gives me some life exp.
I hope this trip makes a new man out of me.
I hope one day I can find someone to love again...

(Yes I know my spelling and grammar are bad...no need to tell me about it)